Supervisor: Well, if that’s the case, all I need is a panda, a gun, and a bottle of wine.
Naperville, Illinois
Supervisor: Well, if that’s the case, all I need is a panda, a gun, and a bottle of wine.
Naperville, Illinois
Worker bee: So my computer crashed.
Manager: So? Tell the technicians, not me.
Worker bee: No, I mean “crashed onto the floor of my office.”
Manager: What?
Worker bee: I told you the new desks were crap.
Canary Wharf
London
England
Overheard by: Hopeing the floors hold
Boss: Who wants to do these reports?
Enthusiastic lady: I’ll take them! Will be done in no time.
Boss, 15 minutes later: Are those reports ready, Angie*?
Enthusiastic lady: I’m still on it.
Boss, 15 minutes later: I need those reports now.
Enthusiastic lady: I am working on them as fast as I can. [Boss leaves, then] Why does he give me so much work and keep asking me if it’s done?!
4340 Connecticut Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: did not ask for work
Male co-worker : Is that Elaine* I hear? Does she want to see my tool?
Pause
Boss: Would you like to re-phrase that?
3001 8th Avenue
Evans Colorado
Boss: I was out at the corporate office yesterday. Do you know who was asking about you?
Worker: No, who? Who?
Boss: No one!
303 Roslyn Road
Mineola, New York
Overheard by: Jeff Bailey
Boss: Who's better then me?
Worker: Jesus.
Coworker: Good answer.
Huntington, Texas
Overheard by: kaleena
Supervisor to coworkers trying to lift a desk: Having trouble getting it up?
Corvallis, Oregon
Manager: So, is your girlfriend taking you out for your birthday?
Accountant: No, I’m going out with my friends.
Manager: If I were your girlfriend, I wouldn’t put up with that shit.
Accountant: Well, you’re not, and you don’t have to.
Manager: …It’s not like you’re allowed to marry your friends and have kids someday…
Accountant: Well, in some places you can.
Manager: That’s it, you’re fired!
6801 Brecksville Road
Independence, Ohio
Boss to group: I want to congratulate our rhythm and robustness!
Group:(looking around confused)
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Not Congratulated
IT manager: What is the plan for the internal server deployment?
IT drone: We are going to the client on Monday to stand up the server.
IT manager: You promised me a plan by 5/1. Where is it?
IT drone: The plan is that we will go to the client on Monday and do the work.
IT manager: You understand, I need a plan. When can you get it to me?
Washington, DC
