Manager: Ok. Since it seems like [Dougie] doesn’t want to be a part of the team and show up for meetings, [Steve], from now on, when you send out meeting requests, make sure the invitation is sent to him personally.
[Steve]: So basically, I should click a few more times to enable this otherwise unacceptable behavior?Manager: Right.
[Steve]: Got it.214 West 39th Street
New York, New York
Supervisor: Are these numbers right?
Employee: Yeah, I double-checked.
Supervisor: The sales manager said that they were under budget!
Employee: Well, numbers don’t lie. Salespeople do.
17777 Center Court Drive
Cerritos, California
Ladder-climber to boss: If you don't have a good enough argument for why I'm wrong, then I'm right.
Ohio
Jamaican contractor: Hey, have some coconut.
White employee: No, man, I'm full.
Jamaican contractor: Dude, this is a coconut. It doesn't matter how full you are.
Edmonton
Canadia
Secretary: Oh, come on. You can do more than you can do.
Boss: I try… It just won’t work.
Cumming, Georgia
Sales VP on speakerphone to assistant: Can I find a word in an Excel file?
Assistant: Yes, use control + f.
Sales VP: Okay, so control and then hold the f key?
Assistant: Yes.
Sales VP: Oh, okay, that worked!
Manhattan, New York
Female boss: We need to add more scrotum!
Male designer: … Are you serious?
Female boss: Yeah, apparently we’re missing a few.
Male designer: Got it. Where’s the scrotum?
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: The Other Designer
Manager: You know butadiene is a reproductive toxin, right?
Peon: A what?
Manager: Reproductive toxin — it causes sterility.
Peon: Okay… You know, maybe we should sterilize that town… Wait, was that out loud?
Manager, laughing: Yeah.
Houston, Texas
Employee: I got pulled over for speeding last week, but somehow I got out of the ticket. What is the best way to do that, really?
Boss who’s an ex-cop: I once had a guy tell me he had a cucumber shoved up his ass, so I took him to the hospital and found out it was true.
Employee: Did you give him the ticket?
Boss who’s an ex-cop: Hell no.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: I’ll take the ticket, thanks
Manager: Wow! I guess if we don’t have a receptionist, we don’t get any coffee.
Peon: I could make some if you want…
Manager: Really? You know how to do that?
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: I can cook too
