Director of operations: The faster you run it, the faster it goes.
Kibler Street
New Washington, Ohio
Overheard by: What?!?
Director of operations: The faster you run it, the faster it goes.
Kibler Street
New Washington, Ohio
Overheard by: What?!?
Male peon: I hope you locked the door. If you didn’t, some hobo is gonna use my car as his bathroom.
Lady peon: You’re a hobo’s bathroom!
1255 Hempstead Turnpike
Uniondale, New York
Overheard by: glad i keep my doors locked
Nurse: We need you to be here for the duration of your brother’s procedure. He should be done in 15 minutes or so.
20-something mechanic: Do I need to be here? [Points at floor.] Or here? [Points at room.] Because that is one flashlight I don’t wanna hold!
Proctologist’s office
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: but he’s taken a shine to you!
Office chick #1: Don’t squeeze it! All the goo will come out!
Office chick #2, playing with stress ball: Why, what happened?
Office chick #1: I got a little too excited and squeezed it until it popped… That’s why I don’t hold babies…
Arlington, Virginia
Electronics employee on phone: You’re supposed to call 911 in case of emergencies, not Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart Supercenter
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Mike
Cube dweller: Bring the orange juice and champagne to a boil, and then you just slip the fish in…
Chantilly, Virginia
Cube rat on phone: Well, spray Garrett*, have him walk around for a while, and see if he comes back smelling the same.
Highway 69 South
Monroe, Wisconsin
Boss: You don’t need lubricants. That’s what diarrhea is for!
Kansas
Grunt: Just stick the turkey baster in there and suck it all out!
320 SW Stark Street
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Julie
Coworker on phone with QC guy: Um… You just hit the printer icon… What? Well, just type it on a Word document. Uh, you type, then hit that aforementioned printer icon… Okay, hold up. Let’s just start from square one, shall we? First, is your computer on this time? Okay, hit your start button, down there at the bottom of your screen. Uh, and don’t really hit it — just click, okay? Now click ‘All programs’… M-hmmm… Now click ‘Microsoft Office, and then ‘Microsoft Word.’ You get a pop-up on your computer about macros. Click the ‘X.’ [Sighs.] Well, give it a minute — you’ll have a pop-up. Very good. Yes, hit the ‘X.’ [After pause] Now you type — you know — typey-type-type-type? Then print. Right. No, if you don’t save it, then it won’t stay on your computer… What exactly are you typing and printing in there? … You know what? Never mind. It’s better if I just don’t know. [Hangs up, then speaks to self.] And I can’t ship anything without him checking the parts first… I have a good feeling in my belly now.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
