Woman: So if you’ve never done it before, it’s going to hurt the first time and maybe even bleed a bit.
Man: Uh huh.
Woman: So don’t be afraid. You should try it. It’s definitely worth it.
Other people in elevator shuffle uncomfortably.
Woman: Um…So flossing is crucial to good dental hygiene.
Elevator
Houston, Texas
Peon #1: Yeah, that guy is a real jerk.
Peon #2: What you need is some jerk repellent. Some jerk-be-gone, or some jerk-off. Oh, wait…no.
San Francisco, California
Employee on phone: You have to lubricate. You can’t just shove it in there. This is a moving thing — you have to take care of it.
270 Park Avenue
Huntington, New York
Cube chick: You should go in Jeff’s office -it is so cold in there you could hang meat.
Cube dude: I hang meat everywhere I go.
Dallas, Texas
Manager to petrified new waitress: Relax, dammit! I said to relax!
8511 Lilley Road
Canton, Michigan
Overheard by: Megan
Leader to team gathered in a circle: But if everything worked, then we wouldn't have a job. So that's our approach.
Watertown, Massachusetts
Woman holding inhaler: So I just cock it and suck on it?
Nurse: You might not want to put it just that way.
2955 Farnam Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Boss to underling: Warren Buffet didn't get rich being a bitch.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Court officer speaking to almost-admitted attorneys awaiting ceremony: And when you stand, don’t lock your knees or stand up straight, just relax and kind of hunch over, we don’t want anyone to collapse — it has happened before, and it is like attorney dominoes…
45 Monroe Place
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Lans
Guy: It took me two hours to shovel my driveway this morning.
Girl: Why don't you get a snow blower?
Guy: Because they're expensive.
Girl: Why don't you split it with your neighbor? Then you could take turns blowing each other.
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: shovel buddy
