Employee on phone: You have to lubricate. You can’t just shove it in there. This is a moving thing — you have to take care of it.
270 Park Avenue
Huntington, New York
Employee on phone: You have to lubricate. You can’t just shove it in there. This is a moving thing — you have to take care of it.
270 Park Avenue
Huntington, New York
Cube chick: You should go in Jeff’s office -it is so cold in there you could hang meat.
Cube dude: I hang meat everywhere I go.
Dallas, Texas
Manager to petrified new waitress: Relax, dammit! I said to relax!
8511 Lilley Road
Canton, Michigan
Overheard by: Megan
Leader to team gathered in a circle: But if everything worked, then we wouldn't have a job. So that's our approach.
Watertown, Massachusetts
Woman holding inhaler: So I just cock it and suck on it?
Nurse: You might not want to put it just that way.
2955 Farnam Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Boss to underling: Warren Buffet didn't get rich being a bitch.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Court officer speaking to almost-admitted attorneys awaiting ceremony: And when you stand, don’t lock your knees or stand up straight, just relax and kind of hunch over, we don’t want anyone to collapse — it has happened before, and it is like attorney dominoes…
45 Monroe Place
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Lans
Guy: It took me two hours to shovel my driveway this morning.
Girl: Why don't you get a snow blower?
Guy: Because they're expensive.
Girl: Why don't you split it with your neighbor? Then you could take turns blowing each other.
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: shovel buddy
Secretary #1: I am so cold I can't type.
Secretary #2: Wear your gloves.
Secretary #1: I can do a lot of things in leather, but typing isn't one of them.
Seattle, Washington
Functionally retarded janitor: This job really needs some strippers.
Engineer: You could get a night job at a strip club.
Functionally retarded janitor: But those places fire you when you try to touch the girls.
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: This Company Needs to Do Better Background Checks
