Mom: I’m pretty worn out, actually.

Homeboy customer: Yo, gots any mothafuckin’ shelves?
Employee: Did he just say what I thought he said? [Coworker nods.]Homeboy customer: Yo, man! I said, I need some mothafuckin’ shelves fo’ my mothafuckin’ clothes!
Employee, pointing: Yeah, right down that mothafuckin’ aisle.

Home repair store
Whitehall, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 7, 2008
Comebacks, Customers, Default, Employees, Insults, Pennsylvania, Questions, Words

So Tonto and I Had the Fish Nuggets

Employee #1: So, we went to Long John Silver’s last night for the first time.
Employee #2: Did you bring your horse?
Employee #3: No, that was ‘Hi Ho Silver.’
Employee #2: It was?

Preston Avenue
Livermore, California

Overheard by: Still cryin

Posted on March 7, 2008
Arts, California, Default, Employees, Words

But She Won’t Go Anywhere Near a Carrot

Boss: The thing I love about Fiona* is that you’ll offer her a stick and she’ll immediately grab the wrong end.

Chislehurst, Kent
England

Overheard by: Bob Cat

Posted on March 5, 2008
Bosses, Default, England, Gripes, Philosophy, Words

We’ve Tried Not Giving You Work. I’m at My Wits’ End Here.

Boss: You have to clean your work space. It’s a mess.
Worker: The space is clear. It’s only my desk that’s a mess.

Rochelle Park, New Jersey

Posted on March 4, 2008
Bosses and Underlings, Comebacks, Default, Health & Hygiene, New Jersey, Offers and requests, Words

A Modest Proposal

Executive VP: We have to eat our own children before someone else does.

Quarterly review conference call
Virginia

Overheard by: He who has given up eating human flesh, mostly

Posted on February 28, 2008
Default, Executives, General Idiocy, Virginia, Words

After Deciding “Every Man for Himself” Was Sexist

30-ish dude: We’re not calling it ‘no support.’ We’re calling it ‘free reign.’

Elevator, Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Christin

Posted on February 26, 2008
Coworkers, Default, Georgia, Words

Tonight’s Movie: When Hairy Met Silly

New hire: They finally mopped the floor by my desk.
Boss lady: Did they wax your area, too?

728 State Street
Madison, Wisconsin

Posted on February 22, 2008
Bosses and Underlings, Default, Health & Hygiene, Wisconsin, Words

Project Cat People Hits an Ethical Snag

Lab worker #1: Murder only applies to humans. It’s a term specific to us.
Lab worker #2: You can’t ‘murder’ a dream?
Lab worker #1: You can’t murder baby cows.
Lab worker #2: What about cats?
Lab worker #1: No. Cats can’t be murdered… Unless they?re half-cat, half-person.
Lab worker #2: Then it’s half murder.
Lab worker #1: Even if it’s premeditated, it’s knocked back to manslaughter. That?s probably why the cat people think we’re biased against them, but really it’s just that the legal system wasn?t set up with them in mind. [Silence.] I’ve thought about this a lot.

Durham, North Carolina