Office manager: No, I'm not into zoophilia.
Civil Service Office
Belfast
Northern Ireland
Overheard by: Telboy
Boss: I'm blaming you for the stock market's performance today.
Los Angeles, California
Head maintenance guy: I tend to break stuff before I fix it. Then I fix it.
Malvern, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Wish I had that kind of job security…
Older employee to younger employees: That's why I don't live in town. I would be in jail. They would say, “you can't have a beer out here” and “you can't be in the nude” no matter how hot it is in your tomato patch!
Roanoke, West Virginia
Doctor: Okay, so what are you having done today? Varicose veins?
Woman waiting for surgery: What? No. I'm having a port put in.
Nurse: A port? Well, you don't need a port for varicose veins.
Woman waiting for surgery: I know it's for my chemo.
Nurse: Oh, I get it now. I thought your form said “Cheerios.”
Australia
Salesperson, in response to reading a news article: Why would anyone name their pet Booger, then have him cloned?
Customer: I wish aliens would come down and take Paris Hilton away.
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: bearer of randomness
Coworker on cell: I just don't understand bro, what do you need a real human head for?
Baltimore, Maryland
Supermarket guy #1: Do you have a pen?
Supermarket guy #2: No.
Supermarket guy #1: Where do you live?
Supermarket guy #2: What for? So you can come over anytime and borrow my pen?
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Timm D
Employee #1 to #2: Hey, haven't seen you on FarmVille in a while.
Employee #2: Yeah, I've been busy.
Employee #3, walking into office: What are you talking about?
Employee #1: Oh, nothing, just telling Mark* that he needs to get off his ass and come plow my crops.
Employee #3, walking out of office: Wow… Just wow.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: FBook has changed the world as we know it…
Perky female temp, walking over to supervisor's cubicle: Hey, I heard we got a new fax machine! Awesome!
Female supervisor: Yeah, it's pretty exciting. They're setting it up right now.
Male supervisor: There seems to be some erotic fascination with the new fax machine. Everyone's over there crowded around it.
(awkward silence)
Perky female temp: I'm gonna go look at it right now!
Female supervisor: Yeah, me too!
Bloomington, Minnesota
Overheard by: I'm pretty sure he meant
