9AM Back to Work

Coworker on phone: Listen, there’s a lot to be said for being punched in the face.

1020 19th Street NW
Washington DC

Overheard by: I just work here

Posted on January 6, 2019
Compliments, Coworkers, On the phone, Violence, Washington DC

Geoge Washington Did Perm His Hair before Battle

Know-it-all peon: I swear, every invention in this world was invented for war. Highways, the Internet — everything! Don’t you read?
Lady peon: Okay, Eric*! What about perms? Hot rollers weren’t made for war!
Know-it-all peon: Perms aren’t inventions.
Lady peon: My ass, they aren’t!

Waterloo, Iowa

Posted on January 2, 2019
Coworkers, Default, General Idiocy, Geography & History, Iowa, Violence

I Already Have Dibs on His Stapler

Peon to boss looking for the bigger boss: He is not there. He is murdering Mike*.

New York City, New York

Overheard by: has a will

Posted on October 18, 2018
Anger management, Bosses and Underlings, Crimes, Death, New York, Violence

Then It's a Great Analogy

Financial analyst: This might be a bad analogy, but it's like this: if there's a guy up on the roof of a house and he's throwing babies off, and you just barely catch the first couple of babies, it might mean that's not a very good strategy and what you really need to do is get someone to go up on the roof and get the guy down.
Coworker: You ever notice how whenever you start a sentence that way, a hush falls over the area?

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: MPW

Posted on October 2, 2018
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Crimes, Financial Folk, New York, Violence

From the People Who Brought You NYPD Shoe…

Coworker, examining scratched up phone: Life is rough in my pocket.

Vancouver
Canadia

Posted on September 26, 2018
Canadia, Coworkers, On the phone, Technology, Violence

They Make Me Write on Paper Circles with Blunt Crayons

Cubicle-dweller nearby: I'm really surprised that they gave me these little things with sharp points on them, I'm usually not allowed to have sharp things.

Mission Ridge
Goodlettsville, Tennessee

Posted on September 7, 2018
Cubicles, Default, Feelings, Tennessee, Violence, Weirdness

And That’s How Daddy Lost His Ear

Eight-year-old boy looking at DVD: Carnival.
Father: Read that again.
Eight-year-old boy: Car… Carb… Cannibal.
Father: Yeah, that means ‘meat eater.’
Eight-year-old boy, after pause: Another word for that is ‘carnivore.’
Father: Oh, I guess that actually means, ‘One who eats their own’. [Longer pause] You know, once at a job site I was working at we had a guy who was arrested and taken away for cannibalism… But that wasn’t in America.

Video Store, 5600 Bigger Road
Kettering, Ohio