Area Manager: We will need to open an investigation into this and see what happened.
Superintendent: I’ll tell you what happened: he fucked up!
Area Manager: Well, I didn’t say it needed to be a long investigation.
128 Spring Street
Ypsilanti, Michigan
Co-worker #1: Well, it’s not going to be ready now…
Co-worker #2: I don’t think it’s due to be done until the due date.
1 Penn Plaza
New York, NY
Manager: I can't take any time off between jobs, with what my wife spends. I have to jump on the next job before she empties out our bank account.
Raritan, New Jersey
Coworker #1: You're so lucky you get to go home early!
Coworker #2: Nah, I have to go to my mom and dad's house. I just hope I don't get MRSA… Or crabs.
Everett, Washington
Woman smoking on loading dock: I get e-mails from him at 3 and 4 am on Saturdays and I think to myself, “if he's married, he must hate his wife.”
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: fly on the wall
Middle-aged woman #1: I didn’t get any vacation time this year because I was so busy with my mother.
Middle-aged woman #2: How is your mother doing? Does she have anyone to talk to? Like friends or anyone?
Middle-aged woman #1: Well, yes, but the problem is that all the 85-year-old men want is phone sex.
20-something girl: Well, there’s something to look forward to.
Midtown Building
New York City, New York
Gary: Hey Dave, do I need to be more of a dick or less of a dick?
Dave: Nah, the dick quotient is fine, we just need to coordinate ahead of time.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: thenewguy
There is this guy a few cubicles over from me. I do not know what he does, but he is always on the phone. I’ve actually started keeping a spreadsheet of some of the things I’ve overheard him say. Some of the best: You can ask yourself that question all day long, but I’m not going to waste any more of my time helping you figure it out.
You don’t have to think for me, I will do the thinking for you.
You work in IT and I work in marketing, so don’t tell me!
Give me your thirty second soapbox spiel and when you are done maybe we can get down to business and get this figured out.
1411 Kingsbury Drive
Portage, Michigan
Worker #1, about customer: How is it “annually” if she did it in September, and it's June now?
Worker #2: She's a moron.
Austin, Texas
Volunteer #1: Man, Chipotle is so good, man!
Volunteer #2: Yeah, except it makes you have to go to the bathroom because of the hot sauce…
Volunteer #1: I's okay, man, you just take a Game Boy into the bathroom with you. Kills like a half hour.
Cincinnati, Ohio
