Boss: Do we have Google installed on our internet?
IT guy: We put it on your machine yesterday.
700 W. Van Buren Street
Chicago, Illinois
Boss: Do we have Google installed on our internet?
IT guy: We put it on your machine yesterday.
700 W. Van Buren Street
Chicago, Illinois
Person in cubicle: Is that your cell phone?
Person in next cubicle: No, it's my mouth.
Austin, Texas
Tech support: Can you tell if it’s an Ethernet cable or a phone cable?
Customer: How do I tell?
Tech support: Well, if you hold it up to the cable attached to your phone and you look at the plug, if it looks the same, you’ve got a phone cable. If it’s bigger, it’s probably Ethernet.
Customer: Oh cool. Let me look.
Tech support: WAIT! [dial tone]
711 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Coworker #1: Do you want this document spf-ed?
Coworker #2: Do mean pdf-ed?
Coworker #1: Yeah, why, what did I say?
Coworker #2: Sfp.
Ellicott City, Maryland
Coworker: The back door isn't working.
Receptionist: Oh, yeah, the card thing isn't working. It'll be fixed soon.
Coworker: How do we get into the lab from the outside, then?
Receptionist: You'll have to use the door on the other side and go around. Sorry for the incontinence.
Lancaster, California
Intercom: This is an announcement: check your phones to see if they have a dial tone. If they don’t, call Administration and let them know.
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: jb
Boss to IT guy, looking at server cabinet: I noticed you cleaned it up when you put the new server in–it looks a lot better. Wait, where's the new server?
IT guy, pointing at small-form tower: Oh, it's there, tiny little thing, but it does the job.
Boss: Are you sure that's a server? It looks like a UPS to me.
IT guy: Uhhhh…
Caboolture
Australia
Tech Lead: Our requirements are in terms of bells and whistles at this point, not actual business functionality.
1370 Timberlake Manor Parkway
Chesterfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Jonathan Willis
Girl tech: We are blocking emails to our customers with the word disbursement in it because of “semen”.
Head tech dude: Semen?
Guy tech #1: Are you sure semen isn’t somewhere else?
Guy tech #2: Semen? Like the nasty stuff?
Head tech dude: We’ll have to adjust the filter, we are blocking reimbursement too.
Girl tech: Jeez, this blocking could cause all sorts of problems.
9001 Shelbyville Road
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Andy Goss
Boss: I need you to email this to [Kevin].
Assistant: No problem, I have the electronic version right here. I’ll email it out in a sec.
Boss: Great…Oh, and make sure my notes don’t show up when you send it out.
Assistant: Your notes?
Boss: Yeah, the notes I wrote there in the margins.
Assistant: Um, don’t worry. They won’t.
Boss: Great, thanks.
Assistant: Just fucking retire already…Jesus!
300 West Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
