Technology

Office mate on speakerphone: I need to send my printer back. It isn’t working.
CSR for printer company: Okay, I can set up a return shipment and get you a label and address to send yours back. What is your e-mail address, sir? [He relates e-mail address.] Okay, when you get the link on the e-mail I just sent you, print the FedEx label and put it on the box to ship it.
Office mate: Um, well, my printer is broken, which is why I am sending it back…
CSR: I understand that, sir, so what I have done to speed up the process is send you a shipping label all prepared for you to ship the box out.
Office mate: How am I supposed to do that if my printer is broken?!
CSR: Well, you print it up and put it on the box.
Office mate: Okay, when we are done with this, I would like to order an instructional DVD on how to setup my DVD player.
CSR: I’m not following you, sir. I thought your problem was with your printer. We don’t have DVD players.
Office mate: Dude, you’re killing me! Can I speak to a supervisor, please?

34th Street and 8th Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Zoos

Manager: …because sometimes we get communications via electronic sending, sometimes through the telephone system.

650 South 6th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Jeff Anderson

Tech: …and if it gives you any problems, just call me. Any time, doesn’t matter. I sleep with my cell phone.
Lawyer: I’ve slept with worse.

11377 West Olympic Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Eve Z. Dropper

Coworker #1: Where were you all day?
Coworker #2: Oh, I had to take an Excel class today.
Coworker #1: Oh, do you do any other types of dance?

Reading, Pennsylvania

Boss: By the way, I changed a lot of your code, so if it breaks, that’s why.

5720 Green Circle Drive
Minnetonka, Minnesota

Middle management guy: What's shaking?
Indian tech guy: What is shaking? You want me to stop something from shaking?
Middle management guy: No, I…
Indian tech guy: Are you having a technology crisis? Is your desktop vibrating?
Middle management guy: No! How's it going? How are you, is what I'm asking.
Indian tech guy: Oh, I see. I am fine. Is your desktop alright, though?
Middle management guy: Yes, yes. Everything is working. (sighs)

Washington, DC

Coworker #1: You know I had trouble finding a Die Zauberflöte ringtone on my phone.
Coworker #2: You know I had the same problem too.

Livonia, Michigan

Suit: Why hasn’t this customer’s problem been fixed yet?
Tech Guy: Because I’m the only person supporting this product; I’m really backlogged here. Every time I close one log I open four more. We don’t have enough people here to keep up.
Suit: Oh…well keep up the good work.

500 Lafayette Road
Hampton, New Hampshire

Coworker #1: Man, it’s cold in this room.
Coworker #2, pointing to thermostat: If you’re cold, blow on that.
Coworker #1: What’s that going to do for me? [Pause.] If it will make me warm, I’ll blow anything.

Broad Street
Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Coworker #3

President: This is our IT department. Those people write new programs all day long.
Customer: Oh, so this is the Nerd Center!

1047 17th Avenue
Santa Cruz, California