Technology

Urge to Know Fading… Fading…

Library patron: Can you help me? I don’t remember how to turn the computers on.
Employee: Well, this one’s already on, see? [Wiggles mouse to activate screen.]Library patron: Oh… What about this one? I don’t like that one.
Employee: Well, this one’s off, so I’ll turn it on [presses power button].
Library patron: Ah, so they each have a little trick. What about this one? [Proudly swishes mouse.]Employee, frustrated: No, see, if the green light is off, then you press the button.
Library patron: Whatever you say…

130 Wall Street
New Haven, Connecticut

Why Not Everyone Should Reproduce

Waiter, at new copy machine: Which way does this go in: face down or up, sideways or lengthways?…You’re not going to tell me, are you?
Manager: We’ve got plenty of paper over there; keep trying until you get it right.

45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Better Call in the Philosophers

IT Worker #1: Hey, the system is down.
IT Worker #2: …The whole thing?

500 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado

9AM Back to Work

Manager: Ok. Since it seems like [Dougie] doesn’t want to be a part of the team and show up for meetings, [Steve], from now on, when you send out meeting requests, make sure the invitation is sent to him personally.

[Steve]: So basically, I should click a few more times to enable this otherwise unacceptable behavior?

Manager: Right.

[Steve]: Got it.

214 West 39th Street
New York, New York

…Why Is Ann Coulter on Here?

Male employee: I think simplicity is sexy. We have a lot of information, we just have to massage it a bit… I don't want to have to think about where I have to click, I just want to be able to mindlessly and intuitively click everywhere. Hp.com is a good example, go there.
Female employee, frustrated: I typed in “ho.com.”

Oakland, California

I'd Hate to Hear This Guy's Dirty-Talk

Drafter on phone: Um, ya, give me a second and I can put it up on the screen… (sighs) Oh, there it is… Almost up there… That's better.

Central Point, Oregon

…Fox News Needs to Have Some Employees on Its Payroll.

Hotel clerk #1 to another, after seeing tv news report: Can you believe someone left that secret iPhone at a bar?
Hotel clerk #2: Well, not all the stupid people work here.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Jasper

…I'm a Little Bit Cautious About Dabbling in This Black Magic!

Sales VP on speakerphone to assistant: Can I find a word in an Excel file?
Assistant: Yes, use control + f.
Sales VP: Okay, so control and then hold the f key?
Assistant: Yes.
Sales VP: Oh, okay, that worked!

Manhattan, New York

How Enron Used to Recruit.

Old coworker listening to another one use the shredder: I can tell you have great shredding skills.

Watertown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: silently sitting in my cube

All That Is Covered in the Illustrated Syllabus

Teacher: Okay, so now that you know the basic rules of the computer lab, I have to ask you one more question… Do any of you ever check out the NMBLA website? [Silence.] Well I do, frequently. I want to know who the enemy is. Also, I like to look at the new Russian brides on Fridays.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Cupcake1

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