I'm a Cyborg

Technical support worker on phone: I am not a robot!

Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: RockJonny

Posted on October 1, 2014
Gripes, New Zealand, Tech People, Technology

If You Don't Drink Coffee, You're Boring and All Your Stories Suck

Assistant: I'm going to Starbucks; can I get you anything?
IT tech: What's Starbucks?

Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: a girl who HASN'T been living under a rock

Posted on September 29, 2014
Dorks, Geeks, & Nerds, Employees, General Idiocy, Kansas, Meals and Snacks, Nerds and Geeks, Questions, Tech People

11AM Install Yahoo!

Boss: Do we have Google installed on our internet?
IT guy: We put it on your machine yesterday.

700 W. Van Buren Street
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on September 28, 2014
Dumb Bosses, General Idiocy, Illinois, Tech People, Technology

5PM That’s a Wrap

Tech support: Can you tell if it’s an Ethernet cable or a phone cable?
Customer: How do I tell?
Tech support: Well, if you hold it up to the cable attached to your phone and you look at the plug, if it looks the same, you’ve got a phone cable. If it’s bigger, it’s probably Ethernet.
Customer: Oh cool. Let me look.
Tech support: WAIT! [dial tone]

711 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on September 20, 2014
Dumb Customers, General Idiocy, Metro Northeast, On the phone, Tech People, Technology

To Be Sure, I'll Need Eighty Hours Of Overtime

Boss to IT guy, looking at server cabinet: I noticed you cleaned it up when you put the new server in–it looks a lot better. Wait, where's the new server?
IT guy, pointing at small-form tower: Oh, it's there, tiny little thing, but it does the job.
Boss: Are you sure that's a server? It looks like a UPS to me.
IT guy: Uhhhh…

Caboolture
Australia

Posted on September 15, 2014
Australia, Bosses, General Idiocy, Questions, Tech People, Technology

Like the Fates of Greek Mythology?

Lasik tech to another: Can I borrow your eyes for a sec?

Lasik Vision Institute, California

Overheard by: blind betty

Posted on September 15, 2014
Body Parts, California, Default, Medical, Offers and requests, Tech People

Excellence: A Commitment to Constant Improvement

Tech Lead: Our requirements are in terms of bells and whistles at this point, not actual business functionality.

1370 Timberlake Manor Parkway
Chesterfield, Missouri

Overheard by: Jonathan Willis

Posted on September 14, 2014
General Idiocy, Missouri, Tech People, Technology

The Email Never Came

Girl tech: We are blocking emails to our customers with the word disbursement in it because of “semen”.
Head tech dude: Semen?
Guy tech #1: Are you sure semen isn’t somewhere else?
Guy tech #2: Semen? Like the nasty stuff?
Head tech dude: We’ll have to adjust the filter, we are blocking reimbursement too.
Girl tech: Jeez, this blocking could cause all sorts of problems.

9001 Shelbyville Road
Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Andy Goss