Teacher: When he came in to register his kids here, he tried to use his arrest report as his proof of address. “Possession with intent to sell,” it said. I told him, “You can’t use that as your proof of address; you need a BGE or a water bill.”
2000 Cecil Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Philosophy professor: History is written by the winners. Losers are killed… But in philosophy, losers aren’t killed, they’re marginalized.
Athens, Ohio
Teacher discussing domain and range: Alright, here’s a good way to look at it. Okay, so think of the number four as a child. And two is its father, because two squared is four. But wait, couldn’t negative two squared also be four? That’s why you need to limit the domain to be ‘X is greater than zero.’
Girl student #1: So, the moral of the story is to keep your housewife away from the mailman?
Teacher: Uh…
Girl student #2: Oh my god! My mailman is so hot!
High school
Florida
Teacher on phone: But [Matt], it’s just the sound of a gun. The audience won’t even see it!…Not even the sound effect?…Are you kidding me?…So, what, we’re not allowed to do Hamlet now because somebody has to die in the end?…I know they don’t use real swords; we aren’t using a real gun!…How is anyone supposed to die?
2155 Napier Avenue
Macon, Georgia
Spanish teacher to students: Now for those of you who do not know a sandwich is: two pieces of bread with one or two objects in between them, and is eaten as a snack.
Loveland, Colorado
Overheard by: Aristide
Professor #1: I need some furniture for my new house, but everything here is so weird and expensive.
Professor #2: You should go up to Pennsylvania. The Amish hand-make very nice furniture, and it’s not that bad price-wise.
Professor #1: The Amish… okay. Do they deliver?
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
At little boy spills his drink. The supervisor hands him a mop
Supervisor: Now go clean up the mess you made. This will teach you what you’ll be doing when you grow up.
20410 Highway 46 W
Spring Branch, Texas
Tennis instructor to day-campers: You were special last year. You are not special anymore. If you still suck this year, leave these courts.
Birchwood Swim & Tennis Club
Chappaqua, New York
Overheard by: rachel kieffer
Biology professor: You can’t just come up with your own hypotheses!
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Teacher: Does anyone know what Sputnik was?
Student: That’s, like, a dog, right?
High school
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kong
