Substance Use & Abuse

Vice-president #1, to vice-president #2: Now all we need is a bong and multiple partners!

37th Street and 7th Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Jenn

Office lady, slurring speech while talking to herself: I'm not drunk; I'm just realistic.

Elmsford, New York

Office girl #1: What’s wrong?
Office girl #2, gagging: I was miming committing suicide by glue stick, and I accidentally inhaled.

N Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: The Temp

Recruiter on phone: He's a hell of a configurer, but he just couldn't stay off crack.

Durham, North Carolina

Woman: Man, I got so shitfaced last night. Major hangover. I’m not gonna get anything done.
Lackey: Well, good thing you’re a VP. You can get away with that kind of thing.
Woman: I know, right? And I don’t even have a college education!
Lackey: Guess I wasted those four years and workday sobriety for nothing. And all this time I could have been a hungover dropout.
Woman: Live and learn!

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Kate

Professor #1: I'm going to go home and collapse. I'll be back online later this afternoon.
Professor #2: How was the conference?
Professor #1: Oh, it was great. It was in Canada, so all the faculty were about smoking pot and nude beaches.
Professor #2: We have a beach! We have faculty!

Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: blackmail

Teacher: My birthday is tomorrow. I can't believe I'm going to be 35!
Student teacher: I'm only 23.
Teacher: When I was 23, I was going to chapel at university while smoking pot!

Tulsa, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Really??

Office secretary: Beth* keeps me entertained.
Beth*: Yep, just give me a pill!

Pineville, Louisiana

Female coworker, about current object of infatuation: Oh…he is so cute, you have to see him. I just love him. I will bring in his mugshot.
Male coworker: He has a mugshot?
Female coworker: Yeah, but he only beats his girlfriends when he is on drugs. He is so sweet. He used to save me a seat on the bus when we were in school.

Mountville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Mindy

Editor #1: Every time I see a picture of a Krispy Kreme doughnut, I drool a little. Even though I don't really want one.
Editor #2: I'm that way with cocaine.

Indianapolis, Indiana