Didn't Mean to Imply I'd Be a Top.

Banker #1, sniffing air as banker #2 enters office: Damn, Jon*, what cologne are you wearing?
Banker #2: Calvin Klein.
Banker #1: That smells really good. Damn, if I was gay, I'd be all over you.
Banker #2: (puzzled silence)
Banker #1: Um, yeah, let's forget I said that.

Hopkinsville, Kentucky

Overheard by: will1966

Posted on May 28, 2015
Financial Folk, Health & Hygiene, Kentucky, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality

She’s a Somnabuleater

Guy: I don’t think you were passed out. He said you went down on him three times.

East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: Meister

Posted on May 28, 2015
Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, Michigan, Sexuality

Mom, I’d Like You to Meet My Girlfriend… Shaniqua

Mom: The neighbor found out you’re gay.
Daughter: What did she say?
Mom: She doesn’t care. Her son is gay and her daughter’s dating a black guy.
Daughter: What does her daughter dating a black have to do with it?
Mom: Well, I would rather my daughter was a lesbian than date a black guy.

8741 W Saginaw Highway
Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: barista

Posted on May 27, 2015
Family, Family members, General Idiocy, Michigan, Race, Sexuality

…As Cinderella Explained, in the Director's Cut

Receptionist: I found out that I can't go to Disney World because I have a paper due that week and I don't want to miss 100 points.
Boss (who is rather overweight and old): That is really too bad but I mean, I'll go in your place.
Receptionist: Only if you get Mickey Mouse ears and go to the castle and have dinner with the princesses.
Boss: Sure. I'll be the best fucking princess those bitches have ever seen!

Bellingham, Washington

Posted on May 27, 2015
Bosses, Holidays, Insults, Pop culture, Receptionists, Sexuality, Travel, Washington

So He Can Finally Tell Me a Little about Himself

Coworker on phone: He is into all the stuff I am, like anal and light spanking and nibbling, and we are going to go for coffee next week.

24th Street and Park Avenue
New York, New York

Posted on May 27, 2015
New York, On the phone, Possible Sexual Harassment, Relationships, Sexuality

For a Moment I Thought We Finally Had Something in Common

Man, discussing his morning routine with dogs: I'm up early. I walk them, brush them out, wash their balls, and oh boy, that gets them excited, and then we get in some good play time!
Cubicle mate: Ummm, balls?
Man: Balls, the bouncy kind…they're female.
Cubicle mate: That's disappointing.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Chai Tea

Posted on May 27, 2015
Animals, Body Parts, Coworkers, Minnesota, Questions, Sexuality, Weirdness

Wouldn't That Be a Great Name for a Gay Golf Club?

Customer rep manager: Why is the internet down at the warehouse?
IT guy: I got two emails. One said it was because there was vandalism in a manhole and the wires got cut. Another said they were digging in a manhole and the wires accidentally got cut.
Openly gay purchasing manager: Stop saying “manhole.”
IT guy: Why? Does it get you excited?

Sex Toy Factory
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Looks Like Diva

Posted on May 27, 2015
Body Parts, Customer Service, Internet, Nevada, Questions, Sexuality, Tech People

Until the Day He Gets the Shaft

Coworker #1 to vendor carrying box out door: Dick, are you coming back in?
Coworker #2: That's what he does, he comes in, he goes out, he comes in, he goes out, all day long.
Coworker #3: Don't you think that gets old after a while?
Coworker #2: What? I'm telling the truth. Dick comes in, dick goes out, he comes in and goes out.
Coworker #1: What grade are you in? Third?
Coworker #2: I wasn't saying anything that wasn't true. It's not my fault you guys have dirty minds. Dick comes in and goes out a lot, all day long.

Connecticut

Overheard by: omfg, he's so annoying