Race

Bill Clinton: “That Stuff’s Still There?”

White dude to black coworker: The cool thing about Obama is that he is able to transcend race. He’s the ultimate embodiment of American multiculturalism and pluralism. He’s white and black, and his race doesn’t matter, he’s got character, which was Martin Luther King’s dream, that people would be judged according to the content of their character, not the color of their skin.
White dude #2: Yeah, well, I just can’t wait until Obama gets into office and he invites MTV over to the White House to film an episode of Cribs and he’s got a stripper pole in the basement right by his poster of Scarface.

130th Street
Tacoma, Washington

Overheard by: Stan Green

11AM Demographics Analysis

Co-worker #1: “Urban” doesn’t mean “black.”
Co-worker #2: Yes it does.

9111 East Douglas Avenue
Wichita, Kansas

Overheard by: Nate

She Means an Anti-Aircraft Gun Commander

Elderly secretary: His friend looked like…you know…one of those people who blow up planes.

3 Five Point Road
Freehold, New Jersey

Overheard by: Robert Freeman

Kind Of the Way That This Office Attracts the Feeble-Minded?

Coworker #1: Doesn't Tanisha look a bit hot under the collar there?
Coworker #2: Must be the weather.
Coworker #1: I feel so sorry for black people, considering black attracts the sun and all.

Boston, Massachusetts

Wow, You Must Be the Coolest Cracker in Arizona

Guy: I used to work in an inner city office.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah, I learned lots of words from them. Like ‘booyah’. It means ‘good.’ Like, ‘That is booyah!’

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: The Intern

Even in the Black Hills You See White People

Aussie: Is Motown a black state?
American: Uh, actually Motown is a nickname for Detroit, and a record label.
Aussie: Is Detroit a black state?
American: No, it’s a city.
Aussie: Is Tennessee a black state?
American: Whaaa… there’s no such thing as a black state.
Aussie: There isn’t?

Reservoir Street
Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Yank Down Under

You Could Still Take a Black Lover

Office peon #1: I met my husband in Ireland, but he’s from South Africa originally.
Office peon #2: You’re going to have such beautiful babies.
Office peon #1: Well, I think so, but why do you?
Office peon #2: Half-black babies are always beautiful.
Office peon #1: My husband isn’t black.
Office peon #2: He’s not?
Office peon #3: Sally*, not everyone in South Africa is black. In fact, the majority of South Africans are white. Haven’t you heard of apartheid?
Office peon #2: Yeah, I guess.

Town Street
Columbus, Ohio

Can I Interest You in Our Conversion Kit?

Male salesperson on phone to female customer: But I can't do that. I can give you a six-inch white one or an eight-inch brown one. I don't have an eight-inch white one!

Majestic Parkway
Bedford Heights, Ohio

Xeno and Phobia Demonstrate How the World Came to Hate Us

Sales girl: Oh my God, this girl came in today and she was from, like, China or something, and on the credit card receipt she signed her name in, like, Japanese!
Manager: Ew! You're in America! Come on, learn English!

Ithaca, New York

Cat Burglars and Ninjas Have Ruined Blackness For Everyone

Black guy: What would you say if I said I wanted to get a Mystic Tan?
Tanning consultant: Oh, you could. It would give you a nice glow.
Black guy: You’re not even going to discourage me?! I would never get a spray on tan. The blacker you are, the higher people assume your crime rate is.

North 222 Plaza
Reading, Pennsylvania

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