Race

One Starbucks Holds a Hundred Wongs and One White

Manager: Ok, I don’t mean to sound weird, but…
Receptionist #1: Oh, this is gonna be good.
Manager: I was at Starbucks on the 4th of July, and…it was all Asians! It was an Asian invasion! They were everywhere! I was going to ask if they were having a family reunion. Then someone else walked in the door, and [my 14-year-old daughter] nudged me, and it was another Asian! I’ve told [my daughter], “Ok, you can marry a Muslim! A black! A Jew! Just don’t bring home an Asian!” They travel in packs and take pictures! And they are the worst drivers! Any time you see a bad driver swerving, weaving in and out of lanes? Asian! But, I mean, my tennis partner is Asian, so…
Receptionist #1: Becky*, you’re a racist!
Manager: I’m not a racist…just to Asians!

An Asian client walks in.

Receptionist #2: Hi, Mr. Wong*!

4020 NE 55th Street
Seattle, Washington

But We Totally Whine Better

Male co-worker: That’s the thing about black people. They’ll just sing their favorite song out loud. Like they don’t care that they’re in public.
Female co-worker: Well, that’s because they have better voices than we do.

1000 Techwood
Atlanta, Georgia

I Banged Them Both, Though.

Admin: Do you know who dropped this off?
Manceptionist: No
Admin: Well, then do you know what they looked like?
Manceptionist: An old white lady with curly hair.
Admin: Are you sure she wasn’t a black man, because Allan* said it was a forty-year-old black guy.
Office manager: Not unless he rolled himself in baby powder before he came in here.
Manceptionist: No. The black guy dropped off a manilla envelope and the old lady dropped off that.
Admin: This is a manilla envelope.
Manceptionist: Oh, then yeah the black guy dropped it off.
Allan: Well the black guy was definitely more attractive.
Office manager: And now we know which way you swing.

3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

4PM Asset Management

Boss: Chinese women have no asses. They dream of having a big round ass. Like a black ass. You see that? That is a big black ass.

9925 Jefferson Boulevard
Culver City, California

Overheard by: Roland Kellar

3PM Returning Calls

Boss on the phone: Thanks, hon.
Assistant overhearing: Black people don’t like to be called “hon” because of the slavery days, as if they were ever really slaves.
Boss: It’s okay, she wasn’t black.

1403 Poplar Road
Newnan, Georgia

10AM Call Collections Dept.

Account Manager: I’m getting more serious getting these people to pay. I’ve been letting them know if they don’t call me back, I’ll have to take affirmative action!
General Manager: Do you know what that means?
Account Manager: Yeah! It means I’m serious!
General Manager: No, “affirmative action” is when you give someone a job just because they’re a certain minority group or sex.
Account Manager: Oh. I bet they don’t know what it means either!

1570 North McMullen Booth Road
Clearwater, Florida

3PM Smoke Break

Co-worker #1: We’re like The A-Team.
Co-worker #2: I get to be BA Baracus since I’m the only black one.

1634 Broadway
New York, NY

I Think This is Going to Stay on the Visine Ad Cutting Room Floor

Boss: I don't know if it's because she was black, and I'm not used to hiring black people, but I just didn't get a good feeling from her.
Sales guy: Yeah, plus, her eyes were kind of red.
Boss: A black alcoholic. That's just what we need.

Los Angeles, California

He Was Much Worse Before the Diversity Training

Suit: You’re Asian, so I bet you want tea. We Americans like our morning coffee.
Asian interviewee #1: No, I had Starbucks on the way here.
Suit: We Americans like milk in our coffee. Asians drink it black, right?
Asian interviewee #2: No, I take mine light and sweet.
Suit: Well, you still wanna work here, right?

Midtown
New York, New York

Overheard by: Laughing in America

Yet This George Foreman Grill Is Not As Handy As Expected

Cubicle rat on phone: I expect a white man to lie to me, not a black guy.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Greg

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