Salesman: It’s this whole ‘No Child Left Behind, let’s get all the kids to graduate college’ bullshit. If everybody goes to college, who’s gonna do the work? Huh? Who’s gonna dig the ditches? Who’s gonna pick up the trash? We don’t need that. We need kids to drop out of school and do the work.
Birch Street
Brea, California
Data geek #1: Do they massage the data before they give it the clients?
Data geek #2: Oh, we massage it like it's Kobe beef.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Secretary: [The client] keeps calling and asking for me. And you know what? The next time he does that, I’m going to tell him that you lied to him.
Boss: What? Why?
Secretaty: Because you tell him you’re going to do all these things for him, and you don’t!
Boss: That’s because he’s an idiot!
527 West Jefferson Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Sales manager: Can you ship this to Kuwait for me or should I fill everything out beforehand?
Mail room guy: Do you need it shipped overseas?
Sales manager: Yes, to Kuwait.
Mail room guy: Is that overseas?
Sales manager: It's in the Middle East!
Mail room guy: East Coast?
Sales manager: No, the Middle East! It's international.
Mail room guy: The East Coast is not international.
Sales manager: I'll just do it myself.
Louisville, Kentucky
Construction guy #1, about roof: Why do they need to jack it another inch?
Construction guy #2: To spread the load.
Hawthorne, New York
Manager: We’re all sharks. Remember, guys.
Employee: Huh? Sharks?
Manager: Yeah, we’re all like sharks. Sharks have to keep moving their whole life or they’ll die. They never stop moving. So keep moving, guys! We’re sharks!
Employee: So basically what you’re saying is that if we stop moving, you’ll kill us all?
208 Chain Lake Drive
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Grunt #1: How much do you think a golf ball weighs?
Grunt #2: Over a pound, easy.
125 Corporate Office Center
Earth City, Missouri
Overheard by: Matt
Coworker in kitchen #1: Have you always had the problem, or have you changed you routine lately?
Coworker in kitchen #2: No, but I am on my knees a lot.
Marblehead, Massachusetts
Older male student records assistant on phone: Does the word “Firefox” mean anything to you?
Walnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Office girl: My mom said she almost wrecked her car the other day because she was watching Elvis pick up trash on the side of the road. My mom said he was picking up trash in his jumpsuit, right there on the side of the road.
Office guy: Elvis was doing a little community service, was he?
Charlotte, North Carolina
