Boss: The incentive this month is: the person with the most accounts will get a steak dinner on me. And you can bring your boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, you don't have to eat alone, I'll pay for them too.
Female sales rep: What if I have like eight boyfriends?
Boss: Well, then you're a whore. I don't know what else to tell you.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Woman on phone to cable company: Okay. Hey, hold on a sec. (yells into the phone) Don't go meet him, he's gonna stab you! I know he stabbed your brother, that's why I think he's gonna stab you too! (pause) Fine! if you want to get stabbed don't come crying to me. Just make sure you bring your phone so you can call 911, okay? Sorry about that…now what do I do next?
Call center rep: Uhh, I think I need to report this call.
Woman: Why?
Time Warner Call Center
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Dani
Cheeky sales guy: What about adding fluoride to water..?
Sales lady: Don't do it!
Cheeky sales guy: The Nazis used it.
Sales lady: Stop egging him on!
Sales guy #2: Yeah, the first place it was used was the concentration camps. Adolf Hitler found that it mellowed them out.
Cubicle neighbor: And their teeth looked awesome?
Sales guy #2: No, it has nothing to do with teeth! It's the second most poisonous element. It's used in all kinds of rat poisons.
Marion, Iowa
Son, pointing to a tip can: Mom, what's that?
Mom: That's where they put all the naughty kids that are bothering the parents.
Son: No they don't!
Mom: It's true, you can ask the lady.
Grocery bagger: Yup, your mom's right.
Kailua, Hawaii
Overheard by: Worker #43
Outgoing office assistant helping new one fill out HR paperwork: Wow! You look so different in your driver's license picture.
New assistant: Yeah, I was so much skinnier and my hair was so much better.
Outgoing office assistant: How is your hair different now?
New assistant: Well, you know when you're having a bunch of sex, your hair changes?
Nashville, Tennessee
Coworker: My aunt refuses to get on a ferry. So I asked her why, and she said it's because they always sink. And I said, “When do you ever hear about ferries sinking?” and she said, “The ones coming up from Cuba! They sink all the time!”
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Lowly finance clerk to director: What'd you lose?
Director: The eyeball from my carrot.
Nunavut
Canada
Overheard by: Finance Officer #3
Professional woman: I work out at lunch everyday, it’s part of my routine.
Professional man: Wow, you really have some testical fortitude to stick to that routine.
Woman: What?
One Shell Plaza Elevator
Houston, Texas
Marcoms manager: The new Bluetooth dongles are here.
VP of operations: Can I have a dongle?
Marcoms manager: You just like saying the word “dongle.”
VP of operations: Actually, I already have a dongle, it's just not a Bluetooth one. (winks)
Marcoms manager: So you can't use it from 33 feet away?
VP of operations: Nope. If I could, that would be like a Tyrannosaurus dongle!
Seattle, Washington
