Boss from other room: The most expensive coffee in the world, and…
Database monkey, yelling: Is that the kind that's shat out by monkeys?
Boss: No, leopards!
Austin, Texas
Boss from other room: The most expensive coffee in the world, and…
Database monkey, yelling: Is that the kind that's shat out by monkeys?
Boss: No, leopards!
Austin, Texas
Movie studio art director answering phone: Okay, how about this… “Dear America, grow a fucking pair of balls. Thank you.” Bye. (hangs up)
Santa Monica, California
Female coworker #1: I really need to cut back on my caffeine.
Female coworker #2: Yeah, me too.
Female coworker #1: No, I really need to stop. Whenever I go out with my running group, I always need to pull over and shit in the bushes. Y'know, because of the caffeine.
Female coworker #2: (tries unsuccessfully to hide disgust)
Female coworker #1: What? It's totally natural.
Male coworker: Why can't there be more men in this department?
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Had to stop eating my lunch
Co-worker #1: Did you just say you asked the location to give the
customer a little ass?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, ass…ya know, assistance.
Co-worker #1: Um…once again…ass is not the abbreviation for
assistance.
Boss: What’s going on?
5330 E. 31st Street
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Peon: Oh my god! Who made the coffee?
Secretary: I did. What's wrong with it?
Peon: This stuff is like liquid crack!
Secretary: You're such a sissy. You added half a cup of blueberry creamer!
Peon: Seriously, I think I'm having chest pains. Call 911!
Bangor, Michigan
Overheard by: Love my coffee
Boss: So, is there any other duty that you do on a daily basis that we should include on this list?
Worker: You mean other than miscellaneous bullshit?
Boss: Well, how much time do you spend on miscellaneous bullshit everyday?
Worker: Depending on the day, between 10 minutes and 8 hours.
4913 West Laurel Street
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: hang on voltaire
Office drone who brought dog to work: Oh, there you go again! Nosing into my drawers. You know there's a treat in there for you. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Yes, you are! You are! Go ahead, just push your nose way in there and find that treat. I just love it when you visit at the office with us!
Louisville, Kentucky
Older female colleague #1: Hey, here's the prizes you won in the raffle the other night.
Older female colleague #2: Oh, thanks. Do you want to keep the bubble bath?
Older female colleague #1, not bothering to lower her voice: Oh. No, thanks. It makes me itch down below.
Older female colleague #2: Oh. (pause) I see.
St. Peter Port
Guernsey
Overheard by: A simple
Cube dweller #1: Do you believe everything people tell you?
Cube dweller #2, pausing: I'm Catholic.
Leavenworth, Kansas
Overheard by: they're becoming self-aware
Co-worker #1: Are they going to do that thing where they make it get darker earlier again this year?
Co-worker #2: You mean Daylight Savings? Yes, I think so. I think it happens pretty much every year.
171 17th Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
