Manager: We will have a meeting later on to make sure everyone is happy.
Employee: But today is [Kelly]’s turn to be happy, not mine…I can pretend to be happy.
8 The Grove
Slough, Berkshire
UK
Manager: We will have a meeting later on to make sure everyone is happy.
Employee: But today is [Kelly]’s turn to be happy, not mine…I can pretend to be happy.
8 The Grove
Slough, Berkshire
UK
Male worker #1, after a meeting: Wanna play hockey?
Female worker: Where’s the goal?
Male worker #1: This is existential hockey. There is no goal. You win when you decide you’ve won.
Female worker: Okay. I’ve won, then.
Male worker #1: Okay.
Male worker #2: They always win.
Male worker #1: That’s true. We can’t win. We’re really not even playing for the same stakes, are we?
800 California Avenue
Sunnyvale, California
Overheard by: Alan
Bimbette: I’m not a flaming liberal. I think you should be able to kill any animal you want… and eat it, too!
135 Baltimore Street
Hanover, Pennsylvania
Jr. Developer: What we need is an alien invasion.
Deveveloper #11: We have one. Mexicans.
Jr. Developer: [sigh] What we need is an extraterrestrial alien invasion.
Developer #2: Boy, you sure have it out for the aliens.
Developer #1: I can’t help it. I’m a xenophobe.
Jr. Developer: The whole world is xenophobic. We need the extraterrestrial invasion in order to unite the globe and to make us stop fighting amongst ourselves.
Developer #1: Until after they left.
Jr. Developer: No, because they came from space, there could always be more of them. As paranoid humans, we have to hunt them down and exterminate them all in order to protect ourselves.
Pause
Jr. Developer: Besides, they might have oil.
501 Corporate Centre Drive
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: Brian
Woman coming in from outside: It’s really human out there.
Man: Yeah — it’s not the heat, it’s the humanity that will get you every time.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Evan
Coworker, about military uniforms: When you look at young sailors, you can tell the ones who polish and the ones who don't.
Madison, Wisconsin
Co-worker: So I’m staying with these two guy friends of mine but it’s not like it’ll cost more. The hotel I mean. Because they’ll sleep in one bed together and I’ll sleep in the other. They’ve done it before. Not that they’re gay, but when you’re cheap you’ll sleep with anyone.
250 George Street
Sydney, New South Wales
Australia
Philosophy professor: History is written by the winners. Losers are killed… But in philosophy, losers aren’t killed, they’re marginalized.
Athens, Ohio
Boss: Did you pick up [Bruce]?
Owner: Yes, I picked him up.
[Bruce]: Do you think it’s a sign to go home when you run out of gas in your car at a gas station who runs out of gas?
101 East Main Street
Farmington, New Mexico
Nurse to doctor: I mean, you've got to have something to live for.
Doctor to nurse: Yeah, you at least gotta be able to fuck somebody or piss somebody off.
Nurse to doctor: And from what I hear, you're great at both!
Springfield, Illinois
Overheard by: SWARD
