For the Last Time, This Is a Library

Boss on phone: I am not your proctologist today, sir!

3500 Boulevard de Maisonneuve
Montreal
Canadia

Overheard by: the receptionist

Posted on September 19, 2015
Canadia, Health & Hygiene, On the phone

A Feat I've Been Attempting for Years

Employee: So, I know that we don't normally do this, but my father in law is sick and I need to telecommute from here. Is that okay?
Boss on speaker phone: Well, I guess telecommuting is acceptable for this week, but try not to let the situation go on much longer.
Employee to husband after, hanging up the phone: I think he just told me to kill your father.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: I don't know that I have that kind of power!

Posted on September 5, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Death, Family, Family members, Health & Hygiene, Offers and requests, On the phone, Texas

Cutting and Pasting Is So Eighties

Old man on computer and phone: Oh, I love dragging and dropping!

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: adele works with septugenarians.

Posted on September 2, 2015
General Idiocy, New York, On the phone, Technology

It’s Bad Enough You Ripped My Human-Skin Vest

Co-worker on phone: Hey. What’d you do with my bag of hair?

Franklin Street
Richmond, Virginia

Posted on August 22, 2015
Body Parts, Coworkers, Default, Health & Hygiene, On the phone, Questions, Virginia, Weirdness

Texans Don't Stalk, They Shoot

Female coworker on phone: I don't think he's the creepy/stalker type. I mean if he was, she wouldn't let him come over to her house and spend the night, would she? (pause) No, I haven't actually seen him yet.

Frisco, Texas

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on August 20, 2015
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, On the phone, Questions, Relationships, Texas

I Thought MDMA Was Something Else

Fundraiser: Hey, man, I need to raise some money for Multiple Dystrophy…[to other guy at table] Yo, man, what does the “A” stand for?

Muscular Dystrophy Association telethon
Miami, Florida

Posted on August 16, 2015
Financial Folk, Florida, General Idiocy, Offers and requests, On the phone, Questions

What Exactly Constitutes “Smearing”?

Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.

Yarmouth, Maine