Why Rome Fell

Employee on phone: My buddy just told me this story about how his wife was so drunk last weekend in a high-end club in the Hamptons, and she ran to the bathroom to puke but never fully made it to the toilet. On top of that, as she was puking everywhere, turns out she was also shitting herself. So now the whole club had to be closed down because it smelled like shit and puke. Isn’t that hysterical?

Boss walks in.

Employee to boss: Hey, do you know this club?
Boss: Yeah, I actually went there last Saturday night, but we left immediately because it smelled like shit and vomit.

60th Street & Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: holding-it-in

Posted on December 19, 2022
Bosses, Employees, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, New York, On the phone, Places, Restroom, Sensory Experiences

Okay, Now What Does This “Crittle” Key Do?

Caller: I can’t seem to log into my account.
CS rep: Have you entered your username and password into the login fields?
Caller: Yes, I have.
CS rep: Okay now press the enter key.
Caller: Where’s the enter key?

Earthlink Customer Service
San Jose, California

Posted on December 10, 2022
California, Customer Service, Customer Support, Default, Dumb Customers, General Idiocy, On the phone, Questions, Technology, Weirdness

…As My “I Might As Well Be Pooping” Bumper Sticker Clearly States.

Sales rep #1: I wish we had cordless phones.
Sales rep #2: Why?
Sales rep #1: Well, if I'm going to be on hold, I might as well be pooping or something.

Fort Mill, South Carolina

Posted on December 8, 2022
On the phone, Sales, South Carolina, Technology, Weirdness, Wishes

My Sexual Orientation Toppled Like a House Of Cards

Confused coworker on phone: My day? I just found out that the lead singer of Rush isn't a girl.

Portland, Oregon

Posted on December 3, 2022
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Music, On the phone, Oregon, Questions

Drive-Thru Duty at the Bangalore Call Center Is Lonely Work

Delivery lady, on phone: Okay, what can I get for you?
Customer on the other end: I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza with no sauce and a cherry coke.
Lady, typing on a computer: Okay, a medium pizza with no sauce, just plain cheese, is that correct?
Customer: No. With pepperoni. And a cherry coke.
Lady: Pepperoni… [types again] I’m just pushing all the wrong buttons tonight.
Customer: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lady: It’s one of those days where you just shouldn’t have woken up, you know?
Customer: Uh… yeah.
Lady: At least it’s almost over though, right?
Customer: …right….
Lady: So you said you wanted a medium pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, a side of ranch, and a cherry coke?
Customer: No side of ranch.
Lady: Awww, but ranch is good for you!
Customer: …no ranch, thank you.
Lady: Fine, goodnight. [hangs up phone]

Hanover, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Will

Posted on November 23, 2022
Advice, Customers, Default, Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, Gripes, Meals and Snacks, New Hampshire, Offers and requests, On the phone, Weirdness, Wishes

…Oops, Wrong Job!

Typist lady, answering the phone: Hello! How are you this morning? (pause) I'm wet.

Yaphank, New York

Overheard by: Junior

Posted on November 22, 2022
Body Parts, Employees, New York, On the phone, Questions, Sexuality

I Think That's What She Told a Bunch Of the Voters

Voice on phone coming out of an office: Really? Because I thought she only had one tit.
(cube dweller swings head around in disbelief)
Voice on the phone: You know like one of the Amazon ladies who shave their breasts off?
(cube dweller scurries away)

New Hampshire

Overheard by: David

Posted on November 22, 2022
Body Parts, Employees, Geography & History, New Hampshire, On the phone

Jeez, No Wonder Campaign Finance Reform Is So Hard

Woman on phone with client: Let me put this to you another way: you pay for four hours with a whore. You buy her a catsuit. At the end of that time, you don't own the whore. You may still retain the catsuit but what good will that do you, since you're a 45-year-old balding fat guy? You might as well leave the catsuit with the whore.

Defense Contractor
Andover, Massachusetts