North Carolina

10AM Translation Services

Engineeron phone to production guy: Let me call you back. I might have someone check the Mandarin label for correctness.
. . .
Engineer on phone to production guy: Yeah, Pei* can come by tomorrow at 8:00am to check the label. Is that OK?
Production guy: No.
Engineer: Oh, is that a problem?
Production guy: Yeah, there are a lot of much better looking Chinese girls in the building.
Engineer: Uh…You are on speaker phone.
Three-second silence.
Production guy: Well uh yeah, that should be fine.

800 Beaty Street
Davidson, North Carolina

Just a Little One

Cubicle #1: Oh no, today is Tuesday the 13th! Does that mean anything?
Cubicle #2: Umm… Today is the 12th. Tomorrow is the 13th. And humpday!
Cubicle #1: Oh no! Wednesday the 13th! Does that mean anything?
Cubicle #2: Well, it’s the day before Valentine’s Day. You got your wife something already, right?
Cubicle #1: Dang! I better think of something quick, right?
Cubicle #2: You haven’t gotten a card or anything?
Cubicle #1: Well, I did actually get her a gift. But I opened up my trunk yesterday and it smelled funny so I took it back.
Cubicle #2: … It wasn’t a puppy, was it?

England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

You Need More Women Friends, Bonnie

Office girl: Dude, I took a weird deuce this morning!
Office guy: What? How?
Office girl: Have you ever seen anyone make a funnel cake?

Durham, North Carolina

Note to Self: Buy Chapstick ASAP

Manager: Come here, I've got a job for you.
Employee: I've got a job for you, too. (pause) And bring some chapstick, I don't like the lips to chafe.

Carrboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Pizza girl

There Can Be No Obesity without Denial

Office girl #1: I don’t like lettuce.
Office girl #2: You don’t eat lettuce? Why’d you get a salad?
Office girl #1: Because I need to lose weight! I’m getting fat!
Office girl #2: What else is that in your salad?
Office girl #1: Chicken.
Office girl #2: Grilled or fried?
Office girl #1: Ummm… Fried…
Office girl #2: Uh-huh… Is that cheese I see in there?
Office girl #1: Yes!
Office girl #2: And are those Bacon Bits?
Office girl #1: Shut up! And no, it’s real bacon!
Office girl #2: And you aren’t gonna eat the lettuce?
Office girl #1: I will stab you with my fork! Go away!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

And Drunk

Coworker: The last time I slept that well at my desk I was two months pregnant.

Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: BWC

1PM Naptime

Sales assistant: What are you doing?
QC guy: Taking a nap.
Sales assistant: You are precariously close to your CPU.
QC guy: What? What is that, a part of my body?
Sales assistant: Right. Don’t call me when you break that computer again.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

My Mullet Is All Business in the Front.

Mike: What's Linkedin?
Ryan: It's Facebook for professional people.
Mike: Well, I should get on that, because I'm pretty fucking professional!

Wilmington, North Carolina

They Say, ‘Come Talk to Us When the Dead Answer You’

New-Age employee: Yeah, my granddaughter is an Indigo Child. She can talk to the dead. But, if you ask me, her parents really aren’t doing enough with her talent.

1712 Spring Garden Street
Greensboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Atheist cashier in the wrong line of work

So I Had Plenty Of Time to Hang Up

Receptionist on phone: I recognized her voice before she even said anything.

Charlotte, North Carolina

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