Sales guy: Crap! I shoulda used spell check. But nooo, I had to go and be smart.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Sales guy: Crap! I shoulda used spell check. But nooo, I had to go and be smart.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Resident: What brings you here today?
Patient waiting for mammogram, pap smear, and colonoscopy: I’m here for a mammogram, a twat-o-gram, and an ass-o-gram.
Hospital, 1000 Blythe Boulevard
Charlotte, North Carolina
Engineeron phone to production guy: Let me call you back. I might have someone check the Mandarin label for correctness.
. . .
Engineer on phone to production guy: Yeah, Pei* can come by tomorrow at 8:00am to check the label. Is that OK?
Production guy: No.
Engineer: Oh, is that a problem?
Production guy: Yeah, there are a lot of much better looking Chinese girls in the building.
Engineer: Uh…You are on speaker phone.
Three-second silence.
Production guy: Well uh yeah, that should be fine.
800 Beaty Street
Davidson, North Carolina
Cubicle #1: Oh no, today is Tuesday the 13th! Does that mean anything?
Cubicle #2: Umm… Today is the 12th. Tomorrow is the 13th. And humpday!
Cubicle #1: Oh no! Wednesday the 13th! Does that mean anything?
Cubicle #2: Well, it’s the day before Valentine’s Day. You got your wife something already, right?
Cubicle #1: Dang! I better think of something quick, right?
Cubicle #2: You haven’t gotten a card or anything?
Cubicle #1: Well, I did actually get her a gift. But I opened up my trunk yesterday and it smelled funny so I took it back.
Cubicle #2: … It wasn’t a puppy, was it?
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Office girl: Dude, I took a weird deuce this morning!
Office guy: What? How?
Office girl: Have you ever seen anyone make a funnel cake?
Durham, North Carolina
Manager: Come here, I've got a job for you.
Employee: I've got a job for you, too. (pause) And bring some chapstick, I don't like the lips to chafe.
Carrboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Pizza girl
Office girl #1: I don’t like lettuce.
Office girl #2: You don’t eat lettuce? Why’d you get a salad?
Office girl #1: Because I need to lose weight! I’m getting fat!
Office girl #2: What else is that in your salad?
Office girl #1: Chicken.
Office girl #2: Grilled or fried?
Office girl #1: Ummm… Fried…
Office girl #2: Uh-huh… Is that cheese I see in there?
Office girl #1: Yes!
Office girl #2: And are those Bacon Bits?
Office girl #1: Shut up! And no, it’s real bacon!
Office girl #2: And you aren’t gonna eat the lettuce?
Office girl #1: I will stab you with my fork! Go away!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Coworker: The last time I slept that well at my desk I was two months pregnant.
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: BWC
Sales assistant: What are you doing?
QC guy: Taking a nap.
Sales assistant: You are precariously close to your CPU.
QC guy: What? What is that, a part of my body?
Sales assistant: Right. Don’t call me when you break that computer again.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Mike: What's Linkedin?
Ryan: It's Facebook for professional people.
Mike: Well, I should get on that, because I'm pretty fucking professional!
Wilmington, North Carolina
