Female talking to male co-worker: It was like something out of a V.C. Andrews novel. The one where the brother and sister were locked in the attic and were fucking each other.
Congress Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Frank
Female talking to male co-worker: It was like something out of a V.C. Andrews novel. The one where the brother and sister were locked in the attic and were fucking each other.
Congress Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Frank
Dude: I bought a tea today in the first time in months.
Chick: I’m proud of you…?
Dude: Well, I threw it away when I got back here.
Chick: What? Why?
Dude: There wasn’t any sugar in it.
Chick: Did you ask for sweet tea? Wait, we’re in the South — it should just be assumed you want sweet tea.
Dude: Yeah, I know, right? But it wasn’t.
Chick: You should have asked them if they just weren’t catering to their southern customers and made a scene. That would have been fun.
Dude: Well, I did yell at them. I was, like, four miles away at the time, but I was really cussing them out.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Sales girl: I’m a screw hunter, baby!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Coworker: Do they speak English in Maine?
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Native of Maine
Sales guy: Crap! I shoulda used spell check. But nooo, I had to go and be smart.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Resident: What brings you here today?
Patient waiting for mammogram, pap smear, and colonoscopy: I’m here for a mammogram, a twat-o-gram, and an ass-o-gram.
Hospital, 1000 Blythe Boulevard
Charlotte, North Carolina
Engineeron phone to production guy: Let me call you back. I might have someone check the Mandarin label for correctness.
. . .
Engineer on phone to production guy: Yeah, Pei* can come by tomorrow at 8:00am to check the label. Is that OK?
Production guy: No.
Engineer: Oh, is that a problem?
Production guy: Yeah, there are a lot of much better looking Chinese girls in the building.
Engineer: Uh…You are on speaker phone.
Three-second silence.
Production guy: Well uh yeah, that should be fine.
800 Beaty Street
Davidson, North Carolina
Cubicle #1: Oh no, today is Tuesday the 13th! Does that mean anything?
Cubicle #2: Umm… Today is the 12th. Tomorrow is the 13th. And humpday!
Cubicle #1: Oh no! Wednesday the 13th! Does that mean anything?
Cubicle #2: Well, it’s the day before Valentine’s Day. You got your wife something already, right?
Cubicle #1: Dang! I better think of something quick, right?
Cubicle #2: You haven’t gotten a card or anything?
Cubicle #1: Well, I did actually get her a gift. But I opened up my trunk yesterday and it smelled funny so I took it back.
Cubicle #2: … It wasn’t a puppy, was it?
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Office girl: Dude, I took a weird deuce this morning!
Office guy: What? How?
Office girl: Have you ever seen anyone make a funnel cake?
Durham, North Carolina
Manager: Come here, I've got a job for you.
Employee: I've got a job for you, too. (pause) And bring some chapstick, I don't like the lips to chafe.
Carrboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Pizza girl
