Employee: The first time it was with my friend– no, wait, my ex-friend. Then the second time it was with my boyfriend. Then I went over to my other boyfriend’s house…
Fast food joint
Durham, North Carolina
Employee: The first time it was with my friend– no, wait, my ex-friend. Then the second time it was with my boyfriend. Then I went over to my other boyfriend’s house…
Fast food joint
Durham, North Carolina
Female staffer #1: You know what David* said to me? He said, “In case you know anyone who’s having a vasectomy, I have some advice for you to give them.” And then he told me about how they gave him a jock strap to wear after his surgery to keep everything in place, but that the one they gave him was too small. And I said, “David! I don’t want to hear any more!” But he kept talking about how uncomfortable it was to wear a jock strap that was too small for him after having his vasectomy. I was afraid he was going to start describing exactly how his balls were getting squeezed.
Female staffer #2: See, that’s a perfect example of how David is always so passive. If he weren’t so passive, he’d just say, “I want everyone to know I’m hung like a horse.”
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Intern #1: I will do all of your House bills if you get up and dance right now!
Intern #2: No.
Co-Worker: Why would you pay all of his house bills if he dances? That’s like $100!
Intern #1: House, like House of Representatives!
Co-Worker: We have access to the legislature’s power bills?
Political Office
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jason B.
Stressed office worker, picking up phone: Thank you for helping, may I hold you?
Greensboro, North Carolina
(scientist gets in a packed elevator)
Scientist: I can’t believe it’s this busy the day before Thanksgiving.
Secretary: Surprisingly.
Scientist: I said: “I can’t believe it’s this busy!” It’s the day before Thanksgiving!
Tech: It’s actually two days from Thanksgiving.
Scientist: I’m going to go home and make my turkey tonight. Have it ready for the family!
Suit: What a good idea. You should make the stuffing with it, save time.
(scientist smiles, gets off)
Tech: That wasn’t nice.
Suit: He farted while in an elevator, I don’t care.
Extremely Small Elevator
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
Worker: What are those [paper bags with names on them]?
Boss: They’re for the holocaust thing today. … um, we’re remembering the holocaust, we’re not having another one.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Female talking to male co-worker: It was like something out of a V.C. Andrews novel. The one where the brother and sister were locked in the attic and were fucking each other.
Congress Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Frank
Dude: I bought a tea today in the first time in months.
Chick: I’m proud of you…?
Dude: Well, I threw it away when I got back here.
Chick: What? Why?
Dude: There wasn’t any sugar in it.
Chick: Did you ask for sweet tea? Wait, we’re in the South — it should just be assumed you want sweet tea.
Dude: Yeah, I know, right? But it wasn’t.
Chick: You should have asked them if they just weren’t catering to their southern customers and made a scene. That would have been fun.
Dude: Well, I did yell at them. I was, like, four miles away at the time, but I was really cussing them out.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Sales girl: I’m a screw hunter, baby!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Coworker: Do they speak English in Maine?
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Native of Maine
