If Anything, I'm More Of a Gummy Bear

Worker#1: Give me some jellybeans.
Worker#2: Fuck you! (pause) And don't call me jellybeans.

Clifton, New Jersey

Posted on March 16, 2015
Coworkers, Insults, Meals and Snacks, New Jersey, Offers and requests, Words

Besides, Can You Think Of a Better Way to Say “I'm Republican”?

Boyfriend to girlfriend: I can't get an elephant tattooed on my ass, elephants are really big.
Girlfriend: People have solar systems tattooed on them, and those things are fucking huge.

Mahwah, New Jersey

Posted on March 10, 2015
Animals, Body Parts, Compare and contrast, Couples, General Idiocy, New Jersey, Physical Appearance

And All Pointing in the Right Direction

Woman on phone: Well, it’ll be nice to have teeth in your mouth again.

10 Exchange Place
Jersey City, New Jersey

Posted on March 8, 2015
Consultants, New Jersey, On the phone

Plus, Who Would We Get to Clean Our Rain Gutters?

Manager: How’s your mother?
Employee: She’s coming home tonight. They wanted to put her in a nursing home, but I said, ‘No way.’ Not at Christmas.
Manager: Doesn’t she need that level of care?
Employee: Not at Christmas, she doesn’t.

Rochelle Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Cubicle Right Outside

Posted on March 3, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Family, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, New Jersey, Questions

And That Uzi? What Were You Thinking?

Co-worker, on phone with 9-year-old son: I’m not happy with you. I heard you were a bad boy at camp. They told me you hit one of the other kids with a golf club. You shouldn’t do that. You could hurt someone.

371 Hoes Lane
Piscataway, New Jersey

Posted on February 23, 2015
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Gripes, New Jersey, On the phone, Violence

But First We Reduce Him to Tears With Cross-Examination

Messenger: Hey, I'm just the messenger.
Receiver: Do you know where the phrase “Don't shoot the messenger” came from?
Messenger: Cause they use to shoot the messenger.
Receiver: You know why they still have that saying? Cause we still shoot the messenger.

Lyndhurst, New Jersey

Posted on February 23, 2015
Customers, Death, Employees, New Jersey, Violence, Weirdness

She Minored in the Snorting Arts

Nurse: I graduated with marijuana honors. I had one rolled under my cap and gown.

Edison, New Jersey

Posted on February 21, 2015
Clothes, Education, New Jersey, Nurses, Substance Use & Abuse

Actually, I'm Jeff's Stunt Double.

Coworker, seeing guy in the hall: Hey, Jeff! Aren't you in China?

Plainsboro, New Jersey

Posted on February 20, 2015
Coworkers, Geography & History, New Jersey, Questions, Travel, Weirdness

That's Lame.

Worker #1: Where's Tina*? (administrative assistant)?
Worker #2: She's out sick. She broke her leg, so we shot her.

Camden, New Jersey

Overheard by: HR Min

Posted on February 18, 2015
Accidents, Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, New Jersey, Questions, Violence

I Might Just Do It for Fun

30-ish mom slamming purse down in front of young teen boy: Excuse me!
Teen: Yeah?
Mom: You will stop harrassing my son [points outside to younger boy] immediately. Do you understand?!
Teen: What?
Mom: Don’t follow him, call him ‘gay,’ call him anything — just don’t talk to him.
Teen: What?
Mom: Look, I’m not like the other mothers around here. I’m not polite. I’m crazy. Super psycho crazy and I don’t give up.
Teen, intimidated: Okay.
Mom, leaning in: I have a dent in the front of my car, and I’m not afraid to put another one next to it — get my drift?

Starbucks
Westwood, New Jersey

Posted on February 15, 2015
Crazies, New Jersey, Threats