Meals and Snacks

3PM Slushie Run

Coworker#1: Okay, I’m back.
Coworker#2: Where did you go?
Coworker#3: We went to get a slushie.
Coworker#2: What? Where’s mine?
Coworker#1: You didn’t say you wanted one.
Coworker#2: Well, must my slushie needs be known to everyone? I just can’t believe you went without even asking me.
Coworker#3: How is she supposed to know if you wanted a slushie?
Coworker#2: I always ask her if she wants one when I go. I even give her money if she wants one. Oh, and look now. Now your’re drinking it in front of me.
Coworker #1: Dude! You never said you wanted one. You even saw me walk out. Do you even want one?
Coworker# 2: No, I’m fine.

19219 N 4th Street
Covington, Louisiana

3PM Easter Party

VP: This’ll be the director’s Easter present to you.
Coordinator: Oh, you mean I don’t get any eggs this year?
VP: No, you don’t.
Coordinator: Well, can you at least hide it so I can find it?
VP: Yes, we can do that.

900 Simpson Street
St. Paul, Minnesota

You People Deserved the Bush Administration

Liberal cube dweller #1: I have so much to celebrate next week. My sister's birthday and the anniversary of Roe v. Wade.
Liberal cube dweller #2: You celebrate that?
Liberal cube dweller #1: Yes, I absolutely do.
Liberal cube dweller #2: What kind of cake do you get?
Liberal cube dweller #1: A fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #2: I have seen the fetus cookies, but I have never seen a fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #1: I'm kidding. Not about celebrating Roe v. Wade, but about having a fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #2: I'd eat a fetus cake.

Albany, New York

Overheard by: We are NOT Reception

…In the Stockroom, If Anybody's Interested

Cube dweller #1 to cube dweller #3: Why are you eating Fritos?
Cube dweller #2: Well, everybody needs a good Lay.
Cube dweller #3: I could have two or three right in a row.

Marlborough, Massachusetts

The New Summer's Eve Commercials Dare to Be Explicit

Female coworker holding wooden box: My box smells a lot like smoked fish.

Parnell
Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: Gus

Empiricist Cooking Has Its Limitations

VP: But how will we make grilled cheese?
Drone: With the toaster oven.
VP: Well, I never, you’ll have to show me how to use it.
Drone: Have you used a toaster?
VP: Yes!
Drone: Have you used an oven?
VP: YES!
Drone: Then you can use a toaster oven.
VP: Well, I have never seen such a thing.

Benzing Road
Orchard Park, New York

I Can Think of at Least a Couple More Ways He Could Make It Special

Customer: Do you have any raspberry tea?
Server: No.
Customer: Do you have any special flavored teas?
Server: I guess that depends on if you think sweetened is special.

3026 Richmond Road
Williamsburg, Virginia

Overheard by: Tired of the Service Industry

You Knew They'd Come Up with Something Else Now That Waterboarding's Fallen Out Of Favor

Senior engineer: And just when everybody is about to explode…bam! Ice cream!

Albany, New York

Even at a Picnic You Try to Micromanage Me

Manager giving out hot dogs at company picnic: Why don't you pry open your buns there so I can slide my meat in?

Milton Mall
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: amused worker

And Thailand Laughed So Hard a Roll Came Out

Coworker #1: So, what is a Thai roll?
Coworker #2: Well, Thailand is a country…
Coworker #3, laughing: Oops, I just farted…I laughed so hard a fart came out.

Bethpage, New York

Overheard by: Gette

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