First They Came for the Trans-Fats and I Didn’t Speak up

Writer: ‘Portly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
Designer: ‘Portly’ sounds like someone with grease stains on their shirt from dropping a piece of chicken.
Writer: That’s not ‘portly!’ That’s obese!
Designer: What’s the difference?
Writer: Obese is like those Subway ads before Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and savage. Clothes all stretched out, nothing laundered, brimming with Big Macs and Crisco sandwhiches.
Designer: They should outlaw Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.

16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona

Posted on March 5, 2023
Arizona, Crimes, Designers and Photographers, Diet & Weight, Meals and Snacks, Physical Appearance, Words, Writers and Editors

1PM Lunch

Boss: Where did that report go? I have a meeting in less than ten minutes! Where did you put that report?…I just had it! Why do you keep hiding things on me?
Secretary: Look in your briefcase.
Boss: It’s not in my briefcase! I just looked in it! Why would it be in my briefcase?
Secretary: Because you just put it in there, dumbass.
Boss: No, I didn’t! I would know if it’s in my briefcase!
Secretary: You sure?
Boss: Yes! I’m positive! I know it’s not…Oh, here it is.
Secretary: And where was it…?
Boss: In my briefcase.
Secretary: Dumbass…go to your meeting and stop bugging me.
Boss: I have to buy you lunch again, don’t I?
Secretary: Yep. And don’t even think that Burger King is going to cut it this time.

One Penn Plaza
New York, NY

Overheard by: mshorty

Posted on February 20, 2023
Bosses and Underlings, Dumb Bosses, General Idiocy, Gripes, Insults, Meals and Snacks, New York, Questions, Receptionists, Smart Employees

3PM Snack Break

Co-worker #1: Hey, did you all bring in cookies?
Co-worker #2: God, you’re like a shark when there’s blood in the water.

3701 Wayzata Boulevard
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Posted on February 11, 2023
Comebacks, Coworkers, Gripes, Meals and Snacks, Minnesota

1PM Lunch

Co-worker #1: How was your lunch?
Co-worker #2: It was okay. We had an old Greek waitress. I didn’t care for her too much.
Co-worker #1: Was it the fact that she was old or Greek?
Co-worker #2: It was a combination. Greeks are a weird people.

444 Park Avenue South
New York, NY

Posted on January 29, 2023
Coworkers, Gripes, Meals and Snacks, New York, Questions, Race

One of the Olsen Twins, Perhaps

Lady suit, at lunch: How is it?
Male suit: It needs something.
Lady suit: Perhaps you should have asked for a more aggressive vegetable.

9th Street and Main Avenue
Durango, Colorado

Posted on January 25, 2023
Advice, Colorado, Gripes, Meals and Snacks, Suits

You Did Say She Was Finger-Sniffin' Good

Employee to boss returning from lunch with wife: Excuse me, can I smell your fingers?

Frisco, Texas

Posted on January 10, 2023
Body Parts, Bosses and Underlings, Meals and Snacks, Offers and requests, Texas

No One Has Ever Done That

Crazy coworker, on saving money: You can live without toilet paper, because you could just use Kleenex instead, but you can't live without steak!

Collegeville, Pennsylvania

Posted on January 6, 2023
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Meals and Snacks, Money, Pennsylvania, Restroom

Open Marriage Is Free, but Not Easy

Office lady on cell: Yeah, I was supposed to have lunch with my husband, but he was busy with his girlfriends. (pause) Yeah, at least he tells me when he dates. (pause) Me? No, I just fuck whoever I want, and he can kiss my ass. (pause) Yeah, I am free Thursday.

Chicago, Illinois