Admin #1: So, Sally* choked on her eggs, and then she said her throat was bleeding and had to leave.
Admin #2: Damn. She chokes on food more than Mama Cass.
Reynoldsburg, Ohio
Overheard by: someone who can swallow
Admin #1: So, Sally* choked on her eggs, and then she said her throat was bleeding and had to leave.
Admin #2: Damn. She chokes on food more than Mama Cass.
Reynoldsburg, Ohio
Overheard by: someone who can swallow
White coworker, with food in mouth: Are you going upstairs?
Black coworker: I’m sorry, what? I don’t speak cracker. [White coworker gasps.] I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant you had a cracker in your mouth!
White coworker: Sure you did!
D Street SW
Washington, DC
Cube rat exiting front door: I’m going out. Can I bring back anything for anybody?
Voice from back of room: Johnny Depp.
Cube rat, disgustedly: Oh, nice, but I meant bring back anything to eat.
Different voice from back of room: Johnny Depp on a cracker.
4th Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Cube dweller: Bring the orange juice and champagne to a boil, and then you just slip the fish in…
Chantilly, Virginia
[Male employee #1 offers doughnut to female employee.]
Female employee: I am not putting that into my body.
Male employee #1: That is pretty pompous.
Male employee #2: I know! You should see what she puts into her body, and how fast!
Male employee #1, after long silence: Um, so, did you see my e-mail from yesterday?
North Lamar Boulevard
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Oh really?
Sales chick #1: So, if the sun dies, then we’re all dead?
Sales chick #2: Yup.
Sales chick #1: But what if we eat the people that die first?
Sales chick #2: We’d all die pretty soon anyway.
Sales chick #1: Oh… But I can still eat the dead people, right?
4606 Lankershim Boulevard
North Hollywood, California
Male coworker to female, after lunch: I can’t believe that you wouldn’t eat anything but white rice at the Indian restaurant. You’d never make it at Epcot.
St. Petersburg, Florida
Suit #1: So, where are we going?
Suit #2: Does it matter? We’re going there.
Suit #1: I don’t care about the food, I just want to know I can get a drink.
Suit #2: It’s a lunch place, but yeah, it has a bar.
Suit #1: Good.
Suit #2: Is that all you’re going to do for the next two weeks? Drink during lunch?
Suit #1: Mmm-hmmm.
Suit #2: Oh… I guess that’s okay.
485 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York
Consultant describing different diagnostic tests to client: Gonorrhea is like a can of chili.
555 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Lawyer: Does it smell in here?
Secretary: Yeah, it smells like bacon.
Lawyer: It smells like the kind of bacon grasshoppers eat.
Bridgewater, New Jersey
