Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the password to see it online. So, I need to know how much it is.
Employee: You can’t pay it without his authorization. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t authorize anything, he’s incarcerated.
Employee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obituary or the death certificate.
Woman: What? He’s incarcerated! [pause] He’s in jail.
Employee: Oh.
Frederick, Maryland
Guy reading note: That's his handwriting? It looks like a retarded fourth grader writing with his left foot.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Guy Who Does His Hair at Work
Cubicle mole #1: Still not working, Frank?
Cubicle mole #2: Nope, still can't get it up.
Baltimore, Maryland
40-something editor: Lunch? These youngsters are weak! Didn't you used to get through 15 hours on coffee and nicotine alone?
60-something editor-in-chief: And whiskey!
West Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: I prefer Red Bull and Natty Boh
Office grunt: … And that’s why you should only have stupid children.
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Customer Service Specialist on phone: No, sir. You just had a credit line increase yesterday…Well, sir. That’s how the potato chips.
Customer Service Specialist: …Damn towelhead.
14700 Citicorp Drive
Hagerstown, Maryland
Grad student: Let's get that second kit, there's more solution and tubes.
Advisor: Great, we'll get more buck for our dollar.
Grad student: Um, what?
Advisor: More buck for your dollar.
Grad student: Do you mean “more bang for our buck”?
Advisor: Well, I thought that's what it was, but that sounds dirty. Like prostitutes or something, so I said the other thing.
Grad student: Why does your mind always go straight to prostitutes?
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Girl #1: I feel bad for that kid, Matt*.
Girl #2: Which one? That loud kid?
Girl #1: Well yeah, the loud kid, but he has Asperger's syndrome, so he kind of doesn't get it, you know?
Guy: I once had a roommate that thought he had Asperger's, and I was always like, “man, shut up. You just did too much coke again.”
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Cube rat: Yeah, I feel like honey mustard curtains today!
Baltimore, Maryland
Marketer (to herself): You're not in my head today. What's wrong?
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
