Professor: What's the big deal? I don't understand what I did wrong here.
Angry grad student: You put information in that grant that is absolutely wrong! You totally misconstrued the results!
Professor: Well…fine, but I said it was “early preliminary data,” so it should be okay.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
IT guy: Hey, can I convince one of you to go get me and my friends a coffee?
Production manager: What friends? All I see is you.
IT guy: My friends. Y’know, the people I hang with.
Production manager: No one hangs with you.
Production assistant: Yeah, you smell bad.
Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Boss on speaker phone: So I need you to give me those files, like, in five minutes.
Employee: Um.
Boss: I’m serious. I want them in my hand in five minutes.
Employee: You know that I work at home, right?
Boss: So?
Employee: So I live forty-five minutes away from your so-called “office”…Speaking of which, did you ever get that toilet out of the hallway?
3207 Hayloft Court
Frederick, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Purchasing manager: Can I borrow a pencil?
Receptionist: No. If you don’t come prepared, I ain’t helping you.
Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
Guy #1, in Hebrew: So, what retarded kid are you working with today?
Guy #2, in Hebrew: Dude. Those kids are around here, you know.
Guy #1: Yeah, but no one here knows Hebrew.
Guy #2: This school’s like half Jewish. They might.
Guy #1: Not the retarded ones. They have enough trouble with English. You should know that — you work here, too.
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Knows Hebrew
Young-looking coworker after taking polygraph: They tried to get me to admit I was into kiddie porn.
Coworker yet to take polygraph: Dude, you look like you could still be in kiddie porn.
ASQ2
Linthicum, Maryland
Office man: Obama even went down there to convince them that Chicago was the place for the 2016 Olympics.
Office lady: The International Olympic Committee just blasted their load in Obama's face, and I love it!
Baltimore, Maryland
Random stranger: Is that the ATM from upstairs?
Worker, hauling ATM down hallway: Yep.
Random stranger: So now I can't get money upstairs?
Worker: Oh, no. The money's still there in a pile. Just take what you need.
Bethesda, Maryland
Order entry lady: It’s like they’re chasing each other around the apartment!
Shipping manager: Maybe they are.
Order entry lady: Well, he’s a little [whispers] fag. So, you know…
Shipping manager: Oh, yeah! Them people stay up all night! They got extra energy!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Stoner coworker training newbie on fax machine: This fax machine, like, never works… But I find it really helpful if you whistle the tune to Close Encounters of the Third Kind while you’re faxing… [Newbie stares.] See?! Another fax through!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sarita
