Coworker #1: It smells like old people in here.
Coworker #2: What do old people smell like?
Coworker #3: Death and feces.
San Rafael, California
Coworker #1: It smells like old people in here.
Coworker #2: What do old people smell like?
Coworker #3: Death and feces.
San Rafael, California
Office worker: To me, Clorox cleans everything. They figure out a way to put Clorox inside a body, and you'll have a cure for Aids.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: anyabelisle
Office guy: As I told him, it’s not the speed of the train that matters when a train hits you, it’s the force. They tried to do CPR and their hands just disappeared into his chest…
515 7th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Rosskel
Woman: My purse looks pregnant.
Zoetermeer
The Netherlands
Overheard by: Trying to work but laughin' my but of :P
Nurse: Yeah, and she came in with a bandanna rotting inside her. Her brilliant boyfriend used it as a condom.
Girl #1: Dude! Sperm will soak right through that shit! He should have used a plastic bag or something. Maybe some Saran Wrap and a rubber band.
Girl #2: Seriously! What if she got pregnant?
Girl #1: The baby will come out with a doo-rag on its head, saying, ‘Whassup, Moms?!’
Saratoga & Kiely
Overheard by: People are sick
Exasperated meeting contact: I think the temp I hired is mildly retarded, so I’m going to need your help with this.
Concierge: My mother drank and smoked while pregnant with me.
Penn and Liberty Avenues
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Worker: Hey, Cheryl*, do you know where the Tylenol is?
Receptionist: It should be under the fax machine. Do you have a headache?
Worker (nonchalantly): No, my balls really hurt today.
Receptionist (after long pause): Oh.
Omaha, Nebraska
Boss to office (about imminent website launch): Five minutes to go live!
Boss to sysadmin: Are you going to do anything?
Sysadmin to boss: I'm diabetic, I need a burrito.
Boss to office: Go live delayed for burrito.
Tucson, Arizona
Doctor: Did you put the drugs in the drug room?
Nurse: No! I can’t find where they are supposed to go. Every time I try and find the drugs in that room I want to kill somebody!
Doctor: Please don’t. We shouldn’t be killing any more patients anyway.
250 West Bridge Street
Dublin, Ohio
Diner #1: I don't think you want to increase your vascular output for a snake bite.
Diner #2: So no Viagra.
Diner #3: Why would anyone take Viagra hiking?
Diner #2: To keep from rolling out of the tent.
Oak Ridge, Tennessee
