Gossip

1PM Lunch

Intern: So yeah, the first twenty minutes I was just sitting next to him in the breakroom I didn’t say a single word.
Engineer: Does he freak you out that much?
Intern: Well no, I just thought he didn’t speak any English.
Engineer: So you finally said something?
Intern: Yeah, I tried to make some small talk by asking what cubicle he sits in. But he spent the next 5-10 minutes trying to explain.
Engineer: He’s not that bad at English…
Intern: I don’t know. He kept asking what direction was North. By the time I made him point to it, I wished I never said anything. Seriously, what do cardinal directions have to do with your cubicle?

41131 Vincenti Court
Novi, Michigan

When They’re in the Litter Box, It’s Payback Time!

Middle-aged cashier to customer: Sometimes, when I’m on the toilet pooping, my cats come in and bite my feet!

Plymouth, Michigan

But Apparently It Was the Best Frat Party of the Year

Worker bee: I was asleep! I don’t want to know how they were wiggling things around in my body!

333 South Street
Shrewsbury, Massachusetts

The Needle and the Damage Done

Assistant #1: The doctor said I can’t have any more pain medication.
Assistant #2: She’s just trying to keep you from getting hooked.
Assistant #1: Yeah, I guess she’s right. I come from a long line of drunkards, addicts, and musicians.

6710 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona

11AM Conversation with HR

Co-worker #1: Did you know Tony in the German office is Oriental?
Co-worker #2: Asian.
Co-worker #1: What about Asians?
Co-worker #2: You don’t say “Oriental”…you say “Asian.”
Co-worker #1: Oh, that is so PC. Oriental is fine. I had an Oriental friend once and she didn’t mind it.

93 Worcester Street
Wellesley, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Scaught

I’d Almost Rather Go with Extensions

Suburban housewife: So, then she explained to me what a Brazilian wax was, and I was like, ‘I don’t know…’

Salon
Dunwoody, Georgia

Overheard by: Ang

It's a Better Investment for the Company Than Maternity Leave

Student: Is Sarah* out sick today?
Boss: No, she had to run some errands, she will be in shortly.
Worker: I knew it, she had to get the morning after pill!
(everyone laughs)
Boss to worker: Yeah, because you're so stingy with yours!

Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Although I Did See His Face in My Door Knocker

Suit #1: I called Jim* about that question we had concerning the asset and stock consistency regs’ application to foreign target affiliates.
Suit #2: Yeah? What did he say?
Suit #1: Well, apparently he had a heart attack last week and passed away. I haven’t heard back from him.

Washington, DC

And Even All through His Funeral

Admin on cell: He has to see a urologist — the Viagra didn’t work… The fucking clinic told him to get herbal supplements at Wal-Mart, and it worked. He was a squirting flagpole for hours!

Rochelle Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hallwalker

The Fate of an Entire Ball’s Trajectory Rests in His Young Hands

Outraged peon, about Phil Hughes: This kid is 21 years old! Twenty-one! What were you doing at 21? Going to class? Drinking beer? This kid has the most important job in the world… and he is only 21!

Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Feeling bad for others

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