Office girl on phone: I figured I might as well not waste these tears, so I took the opportunity to tell them about my fake dead aunt.
Abington, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: alxie
Office girl on phone: I figured I might as well not waste these tears, so I took the opportunity to tell them about my fake dead aunt.
Abington, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: alxie
Boss: When [Martin] first started working for the company he called me up to introduce himself and told me how great the owner thought we were and how they should order all their appraisals from us. Then he said that he was a little confused by one thing the owner had said about me personally. He said that I liked showtunes.
18 Sycamore Avenue
Ho-Ho-Kus, New Jersey
Overheard by: GrIzZlEbEe!!!
Rep on phone: You ever hear of a mojito? Well, I just created a new drink: the bro-jito.
10 S. Riverside Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Syd O’Banion
Development manager: … So then I told my wife that even if we raised our granddaughter she could still end up like her mother. I mean, she doesn’t have tattoos, but she does drugs and she’s a tramp.
IT analyst: Don’t call your daughter a tramp, that’s not nice!
Development manager: Why not? She sleeps with every Tom, Dick and Harry!
IT analyst: At least she has a social life.
1600 South 900 West
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Jealous
Intern: So yeah, the first twenty minutes I was just sitting next to him in the breakroom I didn’t say a single word.
Engineer: Does he freak you out that much?
Intern: Well no, I just thought he didn’t speak any English.
Engineer: So you finally said something?
Intern: Yeah, I tried to make some small talk by asking what cubicle he sits in. But he spent the next 5-10 minutes trying to explain.
Engineer: He’s not that bad at English…
Intern: I don’t know. He kept asking what direction was North. By the time I made him point to it, I wished I never said anything. Seriously, what do cardinal directions have to do with your cubicle?
41131 Vincenti Court
Novi, Michigan
Middle-aged cashier to customer: Sometimes, when I’m on the toilet pooping, my cats come in and bite my feet!
Plymouth, Michigan
Worker bee: I was asleep! I don’t want to know how they were wiggling things around in my body!
333 South Street
Shrewsbury, Massachusetts
Assistant #1: The doctor said I can’t have any more pain medication.
Assistant #2: She’s just trying to keep you from getting hooked.
Assistant #1: Yeah, I guess she’s right. I come from a long line of drunkards, addicts, and musicians.
6710 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Co-worker #1: Did you know Tony in the German office is Oriental?
Co-worker #2: Asian.
Co-worker #1: What about Asians?
Co-worker #2: You don’t say “Oriental”…you say “Asian.”
Co-worker #1: Oh, that is so PC. Oriental is fine. I had an Oriental friend once and she didn’t mind it.
93 Worcester Street
Wellesley, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Scaught
Suburban housewife: So, then she explained to me what a Brazilian wax was, and I was like, ‘I don’t know…’
Salon
Dunwoody, Georgia
Overheard by: Ang
