Admin on cell: He has to see a urologist — the Viagra didn’t work… The fucking clinic told him to get herbal supplements at Wal-Mart, and it worked. He was a squirting flagpole for hours!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hallwalker
Admin on cell: He has to see a urologist — the Viagra didn’t work… The fucking clinic told him to get herbal supplements at Wal-Mart, and it worked. He was a squirting flagpole for hours!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hallwalker
Outraged peon, about Phil Hughes: This kid is 21 years old! Twenty-one! What were you doing at 21? Going to class? Drinking beer? This kid has the most important job in the world… and he is only 21!
Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Feeling bad for others
Exec: I was in this fabulous hotel in Banff, in Alberta. And these Japanese businessmen were there too, and you know, the Japanese are so…what’s the word? Xenophobic. These Japanese businessmen come walking down the hall, seven abreast, as though everyone should just naturally get out of their way. So I just clipped the guy on the shoulder and spun him around. And he looked at me with this look and I said, “Hey, pal; welcome to America.” Actually, it was Canada, but same difference.
2000 Westchester Avenue
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Emilio Lizardo
Coworker #1: Yeah, Sue* and I were in the middle of a big drug deal this morning.
Coworker #2: Nice! I walked through a prostitution ring on my way here.
2110 Western Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Employee #1: Do you smoke?
Employee #2: I don’t. Um, I try not to. Well, I did yesterday.
171 Nepean Street
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: chain
Line cook #1: Man, I had a friend that just got fired after being at her job for 20 years. That’s messed up.
Line cook #2: That’s terrible. What happened?
Line cook #1: She put bleach in her coworker’s coffee. She said it was just a practical joke, and they fired her for that, after 20 years.
Line cook #2: She did what?!
Line cook #1: She said it was a practical joke.
Line cook #2: Man, if I wanted to kill someone you’d know it. I’d just stab you.
4550 Scott Avenue
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Never eating there again
Co-Worker #1: Do you know who I’m talking about?
Co-Worker #2: Wait, is she attractive?
Co-Worker #1: I guess.
Co-Worker #2: Blonde? Short?
Co-Worker #1: Yah, that’s her.
Co-Worker #2: She’s married.
Co-Worker #1: Yah. Does she smoke weed?
Co-Worker #2: I don’t think so. But she should. That or a Xanax.
150 South Wacker
Chicago, Illinois
Coworker after three-day absence: Oh my god! It’s so stressful! My three-year-old has a double ear infection and pneumonia! I haven’t slept in days!
Boss: Oh, I know! Tell me about it! My cat has colitis!
West Fayette Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sure that’s almost the same thing…
Waiter #1, pointing: Tammy’s* either gettin’ a poochy belly, or she needs to trim that beaver.
Waiter #2: It’s beaver. I fucked her last month, after her sister died, and I thought I was suddenly in a ’70s porno.
Manager: You guys need to go find something to clean.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Cube girl on phone: Don’t call it my ‘bosom’ — that makes me feel old. [A minute later] How many redheads with big boobs do you know?! Oh, your fiancée, I see. I didn’t know that.
Houston, Texas
