General Idiocy

Dude: I don’t know — I just don’t trust that North Korea isn’t going to keep testing those narcotic bombs.

9070 Junction Drive
Annapolis Junction, Maryland

New girl: Why is the door to the file room always locked?
Veteran: Because someone might steal something.
New girl: Who all has a key?
Veteran: Everybody.

Columbia University
New York, New York

Maintenance idiot: How do you think they came up with that whole groundhog thing?
Electronics clerk: What groundhog thing?
Maintenance idiot: You know, the groundhog sees his shadow and we have six more months of winter. How do you think they came up with that idea?
Electronics clerk: Ummmm… It’s six weeks…
Maintenance idiot: I bet it was all of those animal activist settlers back when they came to America, or something.
Electronics clerk: Animal activist settlers?

Ft. Smith, Arkansas

Overheard by: i love my job

Boss, with customer on phone, to secretary: Mr Smith* says he doesn't understand this bill you sent him.
Secretary, quietly, from across the room: It isn't complicated, can't he read?
Boss, loudly, next to phone: Yes, he can read!

Winchester, Virginia

Boss: How many servers do you think Google has?
Lackey: Infinite.
Boss: Infinite? You’re a retard.

15 Alatarinda Road
Orinda, California

Overheard by: choking on a brownie

Supervisor: Can you pull out of there now?
Peon: I'm not quite done with it yet.

Sacramento, California

Co-worker #1: So do they have offices in the Northern part of Texas?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, like up in that chimney portion of the state.
Co-worker #1: Oh. I’ll show you a fire.
Co-worker #2: What?

611 North Broadway
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Guy: Why’d you just hang up on ’em?
Girl: I don’t wanna talk to her. She’ll call back.
Guy: Yeah, but you can’t just hang up.
Girl: She wanna make a reservation. It’s a waste of time, mine and hers.
Guy: I know, but you can’t tell them that!

U-Haul
394 4th Avenue
Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Matthew Healy

Exec: If we are going to succeed, we need strong leadership from everyone on the team.

50 Commerce Street
Trumbull, Connecticut

Overheard by: lowly

Office consultant that everyone hates: Once I commit to something I tend to try to do it.

Community Co-op
Newark, New Jersey