Customer: I don’t understand why you can’t keep up with production.
Program manager: You aren’t following the rules. You are running twice the daily quoted volumes.
Customer: But we are still under the yearly volumes. You just need to plan better.
Program manager: I can’t just shit capacity out of my ass!
5540 Parque Industrial
Ciudad Juarez, Mexico
Receptionist: Would you like to keep the box it came in?
Admin: Hmm… No, it's okay, thanks.
(later)
Receptionist: That box was really cool because it just folds down. You don't have to cut any tape off because it doesn't need tape.
Admin: Damn! Missed out on a good one.
Receptionist: It's still here!
Admin: I think I have too many. But how often do you come across a really great box?
Receptionist: What have our lives come to?
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: cardboard cut
Semi-boss: No, I mean, I just misspelled every single word and, like, inverted letters and stuff.
Assistant: Maybe your hands were in the wrong place on the keyboard… Or maybe you have that thing that Tom Cruise has.
Semi-boss: Scientology?
Newark, Delaware
Accountant: We’re taking Mark* to Joe’s Crab Shack for his retirement party at the end of the month.
Secretary: Is that where you want to go? I figured you for more of a Hooters man. Wouldn’t you rather have Hooters than crabs?
Mark: I thought the two went hand in hand! You can’t have one without the other.
401 Church Street
Nashville Tennessee
Guy: Do you think it’s possible to be allergic to… you know?
Girl: No, I don’t know…
Guy: Sure you do.
Girl: No, I don’t know what ‘you know’ is!
Guy: Yes, you know!
Girl: What? You mean, like, condoms?
Guy: No, like you know — vagina…
Girl: Why on earth would anybody be allergic to vagina?!
Guy: Cause, you know, it’s like fish.
Customer service call center
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: MBN
Receptionist #1: I don't like stairs.
Receptionist #2: Yeah, they're creepy.
Fort Worth, Texas
Overheard by: bob
Tech: Did you speak a lot of German?
Office girl, just back from England: Um, I don't speak German.
Tech: Oh, so they all speak English over there?
Office girl: No, I just didn't go to Germany.
Fresno, California
Female customer: Excuse me, what is this?
Guy behind counter: It’s gazpacho soup.
Female customer: But it’s cold.
Guy behind counter: It’s supposed to be served chilled.
Female customer: But you said it was soup.
Hospital cafeteria
New York, New York
Marketing girl #1: Everything south of us is an hour ahead right?
Marketing girl #2: Ummmmm… No. Everything east of us is an hour ahead.
Marketing girl #1: But Florida is south of us, and they are an hour ahead of us.
Marketing girl #2: (blank stare)
Chicago, Illinois
There is this guy a few cubicles over from me. I do not know what he does, but he is always on the phone. I’ve actually started keeping a spreadsheet of some of the things I’ve overheard him say. Some of the best: You can ask yourself that question all day long, but I’m not going to waste any more of my time helping you figure it out.
You don’t have to think for me, I will do the thinking for you.
You work in IT and I work in marketing, so don’t tell me!
Give me your thirty second soapbox spiel and when you are done maybe we can get down to business and get this figured out.
1411 Kingsbury Drive
Portage, Michigan
