Receptionist: I have great news!
Nurse: What?
Receptionist: I got accepted into grad school! But I’m scared.
Nurse: Why?
Receptionist: I haven’t been in school in a long time.
Nurse: You’ll be fine — it’s like falling off a duck’s back.
1917 20th Street South
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Eavesdropping grad student
CSR: Oh, you work on computers? You probably know more than I do so this should be an easy call, huh?
25 Brooklyn Avenue
Forsyth, Georgia
Boss: You shouldn’t keep your desk so clean.
Analyst: You want me to make a mess on my desk before I leave every night?
Boss: It’s a perception thing.
1 American Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Manager: I hate it when black people make a big deal about being black when they accept awards. It’s like the Holocaust; they have to get over it.
4189 Route 9
Freehold, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert Max Freeman
Girl coworker: I'll e-mail the help desk…I'll just say “please help us, help desk.” Ahahah! I 'm so funny.
Guy coworker: Okay, good idea. You're typing all in caps.
Girl coworker: I know! That's because everything is in capitals on my computer.
Guy coworker: Um, you have the cap locks on.
Girl coworker: What is that?
Guy coworker: The caps lock key on your keyboard?
Girl coworker: Oh, no! My computer is just all caps.
Guy coworker: No, just do this. (does it) See? Now you're not in caps anymore.
Girl coworker: Oh my gosh! You are so smart! Oh! Thank you so much! Oooohhh! Let me retype my e-mail to the help desk! “Please help us, help desk.” That's so funny! “Please help us, help desk.”
Northern California
Boss: Can you put an extra postage on that envelope?
Office manager: Sure, why?
Boss: ‘Cause it gets there faster when you add an extra postage.
Office manager: Ummm… I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make it go faster.
Boss: [Blank stare] Well… Just do it anyway.
Center City
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Employee: Next time, just use me! I’m a tool!
2 Charlotte Street
Sackville, New Brunswick
Canadia
Office peon on phone: … It’s almost like you’re putting the monkey before the horse.
S. Lima Street
Englewood, Colorado
Admin: You're telling me of your ignorance right now!
Secretary: I'm sure you're probably right about that.
Santa Rosa, California
Coworker leaning on office door: Hey, have you seen John*?
Horse puppet appears peeking from under John’s desk.
Horse puppet: John’s not here right now. Can I take a message?
Coworker, slowly backing out of office: Uh…
8700 NW River Park Drive
Parkville, Missouri
Overheard by: Hapless intern
