General Idiocy

Telemarketing lady: There’ll be no laughing in this office. That’s right, no levitation.

121 Monmouth Street
Red Bank, NJ

Overheard by: Heidi Schwartz

Coworker #1: How was your vacation?
Coworker #2: Good, except my boyfriend got sick. We think it was on some sushi.
Coworker #1: That’s what he gets for drinking that stuff!

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut

Overheard by: I love this place!

Program manager: I think we should adopt the behaviours from the charter for meetings of the [Partnerships] section. [Steven], why don’t you read them out?
[Steven]: Respect other’s opinions and feelings, stay focused, turn off mobile phones, question self before others, participate enthusiastically and share experience and knowledge, have some fun….
Employee: Anyone telling me to have some fun at meetings better think again.

Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills
Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Ness

Boss on the phone: Thanks, hon.
Assistant overhearing: Black people don’t like to be called “hon” because of the slavery days, as if they were ever really slaves.
Boss: It’s okay, she wasn’t black.

1403 Poplar Road
Newnan, Georgia

Co-worker #1: Well do you want to eat these peeps or not?
Co-worker #2: Hell no… They are hella stale
Co-worker #1: Well. okay. I guess we’ll just have to set them on fire.

50 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio

IT guy sneezes several times.

IT guy: I think I’m allergic to the flowers on this screen.
Nearby blonde: Really? You can change the screen saver if you want.

Paddington Street, Paddington
Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Jane Kenny

Supervisor: I need to know the circulation of this piece.
Underling: I put it on the job request.
Supervisor: No, not how many people it’s going to…
Underlings: Uh….
Supervisor: Oh, yeah, it’s on there. Never mind.

401 Southwest 7th
Des Moines, Iowa

Co-worker #1: Have you seen [Amy]?
Secretary: Not in the past several minutes.
Co-worker #1: I hope she hurries up. I have to study for a test and my boss is breathing down my neck.
Co-worker #2: Hey! How are you?
Co-worker #1: I’d be better if [Amy] would hurry up and get here. I have a boss waiting on me and stuff I have to do.

Elevator dings. All look expectantly toward elevator, hoping to see [Amy]. Someone else comes out.

All in unison, disappointedly: Awww.

Paranoid co-worker #3: What? What did I do?

401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee

Designer: Do you ever wonder if some of the girls here were hired for their looks? Oh, I’m not talking about you — I know you were hired because you’re a good writer.

312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

Co-worker: My nickname at work is Blondie. For some reason, everywhere I work my nickname ends up being Blondie. And I don’t even tell them that was my nickname before!

193 Maple Avenue
North Plainfield, New Jersey

Overheard by: Megan