General Idiocy

2PM Personnel Changes

Manager to department head: That guy is a real Einstein, why did you hire him?
Department head: I didn’t hire him, you did. I call him Einstein.
Manager: You gonna fire him?
Department head: Can’t, you hired him, you gotta fire him.
Manager: Hey, Einstein! Come here for a minute.

Einstein comes up to manager.

Manager: Einstein, anyone ever tell you that you are sharp as a marble?
Einstein: Gee, no, thanks!
Manager: Einstein, you are just too sharp for this job, I have to let you go.
Einstein: GEE! Thanks!

12 Oaks Mall
Novi, Michigan

11AM Debriefing

Salesguy: Hon? No, i didn’t call her “hon”. . . I don’t even call my wife “hon.” Isn’t that one of those… terms of endearmeants? Is that what it’s called? [Pause] I do use the B-word a lot.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

12PM Lunch

Coworker #1: I think he had some kind of superdog
Coworker #2: What is a Superdog?
Coworker #1: I think they are dogs that do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to retarded kids or something.
Coworker #2: Oh… okay, yeah, I know the ones.

5885 NW Cornelius Pass Road
Hillsboro, Oregon

Overheard by: Curious Listener

5PM That’s a Wrap

Guy on phone: Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t get the fax?
Pause
Guy on phone: Well I specifically wrote on the fax cover sheet, “If you don’t get this, call me.”

265 Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Ray Del Savio

4PM Personal Call

Coworker on phone: Hello? Hi honey. Yes? No, no. Mayonnaise. M-A-Y-O-N-E-S. M-A-Y-O-N-E-S. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise? M. A. Y. O. N. N. A. I. S. E. Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Okay, see you tonight.

1150 Amsterdam Avenue
New York, New York

3PM Team-Building Activities

Paralegal: I hate looking at his face. Ruins my whole day.
Secretary: I know. I want to throw my shoe at him or something.
Paralegal: Ok, but can you make sure I’m there to see it?

overheard by: their boss

100 F Street
Washington, DC

4PM Paradigm Shift

Boss #1: What’s he doing up there? We’re not supposed to park there now.
Receptionist: Subverting the dominant paradigm?
Boss #1: Which means?
Receptionist: Breaking the rules?
Boss #1: Hah! That’s great. Hey [Boss #2]! You’re subverting the dominant paradigm!
Boss #2: You don’t know what subvert means!
Boss #1: I don’t know what the hell paradigm means!
Boss #2: Now as for dominant. . .
Boss #1: Shut up!

3211 Martin Luther King Jr. Way S
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Lowly Peon

1PM Call on Line One

Receptionist: [Jake] from Queer Image is on line one for you.
Coworker: [Jake] from where?
Receptionist: Queer Image.
Coworker: Queer Image?
Receptionist: Uh-huh.
Coworker, giggling, picks up call: [Jake], what company did you say you were calling from? Ohhhhh, CLEAR Image.

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut

Overheard by: She cracks me up, and she’s not even trying

3PM Snack Run

Girl: I’m going to the store. Do you want anything?
Guy #1: Yeah, can you get me a Dr. Brown’s black cherry soda?
Girl: Ok.
Guy #1, holding out cash: Here.
Girl: What’s that?
Guy #2: It’s called money. What? It’s been so long since you seen it, you don’t recognize it! Damn, next time hand her some post-it notes and let her be on her merry way!

250 West 30th Street
New York, New York

11AM Client Meeting

Boss talking to client and client’s son in front office: So this is your youngest boy, isn’t it? I’ve met him before.
Client: Uh… I don’t think you have.
Boss: Yeah, I’m sure I have…. He’s Down’s Syndrome, isn’t he?
Client: No

98 Fitzroy Street
Grafton, Australia

Overheard by: gus shanks

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