General Idiocy

I Think That’s Some Kind of Wallaby

Guy #1: So my dad was going to complain that they didn’t give him his grievance pay.
Guy #2: What’s grievance pay?
Guy #1: Well, you know when a member of your family dies? You get
grievance pay so that you can have the day of the funeral off and the day after. My dad’s pissed ‘cos they won’t give him his grievance pay.
Guy #2: Why won’t they pay him?
Guy #1: Because they said his nana’s not part of his intermediate
family.

153 Campbell Street
Bowen Hills, Queensland
Australia

Overheard by: Murad

Don’t Piss Off Jesus. Just Don’t Do It.

Customer: Well, maybe I could find something at a lower price that needs fixed up. I do a lot of remodeling work.
Real-estate agent: Sir, if you’re a carpenter you won’t be able to afford anything in this area.
Customer: I’m a contractor and I have more money than I know what to do with. If I say I’m going to climb into your ass and renovate, that’s what I’m going to do.

109 Lafayette Street
New York, NY

Overheard by: Dirtpatch

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Reporter Spurned

Reporter: We can’t give Gary an award.
Copy editor: Why not? You know, if it’s the best story and he was here during that month…
Reporter: What, we’re going to give him a posthumous award?
Copy editor: You know, Gary’s not dead.
Reporter: He is to me!

189 W. Main Street
Spartanburg, South Carolina

Overheard by: W. Texas Mike

For One, Being Canadian Never Helps Anything

Employee #1: Dude, every time we have to do heavy lifting you start drinking and then everybody sees you drinking and they want to start drinking. You need to stop drinking before the work is done.
Employee #2: I understand that you don’t like me drinking before the work is done, but i dont know what the answer to this problem is.

3553 31 Street NW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

Somehow Stupidity is Never an “Emergency”

Intercom: This is an announcement from the building fire safety department; it is just a test. If you could not hear this message, please contact the fire warden. Thanks for your attention.

1221 6th Avenue
New York, NY

Office manager: Yeah, technically I’m supposed to be the one in charge of organizing everyone to evacuate if there is a fire. But…if this were the real thing, it’s every man for himself.
Co-worker: That’s horrible.
Office manager: The people I feel worst for are the handicapped. They have to find someone to help them out of the building…and I just don’t know who would do that.

3535 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Too Much Speed Makes You Want to Get to Work

Worker: I need to go home, I think I have caffeine poisoning.
Boss: Caffeine poisoning?
Worker: Yeah, I think the coffee made me sick.
Boss: Is it like being on too much speed?

810 Dominican Drive
Nashville, Tennessee

Look, Non-English Speakers Are Taking Our Jobs!

Co-worker: And I am not exaggerating, but my dog literally chewed my brush up into 75 million pieces.

6600 Campus Circle Drive E
Irving, Texas

Woman #1: So I went to Filene’s Basement last night, and I was–literally–raped, I spent so much money, got a bunch of stuff.
Woman #2: Ooh, what did you get?

24 North Street
Pittsfield, Massachusetts

He Draws a Salary, and That’s What Matters

Co-worker: For a long time I thought [Eric] was a slacker, but now that he’s been sick for three days and my workload is unaffected, I’ve become totally convinced that he does nothing here.

101 Auto Park Circle
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

3PM Chai Break

New guy #1: Exotic kay? I’m keeping away from that!
New guy #2: What?
New guy #1: Exotic…kay?
New guy #2: Key?
New guy #1: Khi?
New guy #2: Chee?

401 Merritt 7
Norwalk, Connecticut

Yes, Missing Innuendo is Very Immature

Guy #1: After I’m through with her, she’ll be walking bowlegged for a week!
Guy #2: Is she going to be helping you with the construction job?
Guy #1: Do you even know what I’m talking about? Jeez, you gotta grow up!

2121 Ala Wai Boulevard
Honolulu, Hawaii

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