Shipping customer: When does UPS come to pick up?
Owner: He's due around five, and he has not been here yet. Your package will go out today.
Shipping customer: He's due at five? Will it go out today? Did he come yet?
Riverside Parkway
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Overheard by: Jami
Woman: My daughter is 16.
Guy: Wow, she’s almost grown.
Woman: I know — in two years she’ll be out of the house. I almost wish she had Down Syndrome so she would have to live with me forever.
Davenport, Iowa
Newly hired girl, learning computer system: *gasp* Oh my god, I just figured out why Chevron gas stations are called Chevron!
(senior girl rolls eyes)
Newly hired girl, a minute later: *gasp!*
Senior girl: What? Did you just figure out what Shell gas stations are named after?
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: why did we hire her again?
Coworker #1: I was berated by Susan* yesterday because I asked for my light fixture to be fixed… again… after 13 days. She got angry because she ‘has more important things to worry about.’ Apparently, her husband’s in the ICU.
Coworker #2: Dude, she’s going to have to unplug him.
Coworker #1: I understand that, but I resent the accusation that somehow my asking for my light to be fixed betrays an insensitivity to the plight of her almost-dead husband.
Austin, Texas
Employee #1, scanning the New York Times online: There was an election party for Ahmadinejad last night.
Employee #2: Oh, did you go?
Manhattan, New York
Manager to customer: You know, I just don't think that's adequate enough.
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
[Technicians installing a new system]Technician #1: Ok, well it looks like we need to go up to the ceiling.
Technician #2: I’m going to go up the ladder.
Technician #3: You’re going to go up the ladder?
Technician #1: You’re going to go up the ladder?
Technician #2: I’m going to go up the ladder.
[Technician #2 goes up the ladder and takes some stuff apart]Technician #2: Ok, so I think this one is the heating hose.
Technician #1: That one’s the heating hose?
Technician #2: Yeah, this one’s the heating hose.
Technician #3: Ok, I?m going to activate it. Whoosh.
Technician #2: Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!
[Technician #3 turns it off]Technician #2: Ok, that’s the heating hose.
Enterprise Drive
Oak Brook, Illinois
Yuppie #1 : Yeah, so my buddy is a trader at RBC.
Yuppie #2 : Royal Bank of Scotland?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Jack
Thug #1: Yo, man, this place is lined up!
Thug #2: Yo, this place got more lines than algebra class.
Thug #1: Man, this place prob’ly got more signs in it.
Thug #2: Fo’ sho’. It prob’ly got more cosines in it, too.
Coliseum Ottawa, 3090 Carling Avenue
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Beth
Data entry clerk: I can’t find this person’s name in our records?
Manager: What’s the name?
Data entry clerk: Denver Colorado?
115 South 15th Street
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Derek Polynesia
