Boss: What is all of this? My e-mail is overflowing with junk mail.
Manager: Just delete it all.
Manager, to assistant: You hear that, Jen*? You gotta keep your junk clean!
(silence followed by uncontrollable laughter)
Jen: That wasn't inappropriate at all.
Edmonton
Canadia
Female co-worker #1: You do have gonads.
Female co-worker #2: I do?
1800 M Street NW
Washington, DC
Interviewer: So, in this position, sometimes the clients with behavioral issues might hit you or bite you. Would you have an issue with this? Would you have trouble working with that client again?
Interviewee: Oh, no, my boyfriend bites me all the time. See?
1001 W. 124th Avenue
Westminster, Colorado
Overheard by: A Sane Applicant
Judge: I’m not here wielding a mace. You know what a mace is, right?
Attorney #1: That’s the spiked ball at the end of a chain, right?
Attorney #2: In medieval times it was at the end of a stick.
Attorney #1: Well, popes and kings had one at the end of a stick.
Judge: As a symbol of royal or divine authority.
Attorney #2: But it was also a weapon at the end of a chain.
Judge: So, the mace served as both a symbol and a weapon.
Ghetto teen on trial: Cops sprayed dat in my cousin’s face.
District Court
Ronkonkoma, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Coworker to another: “Capone” as in the gangster, or “Capone” like the country?
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Queen Report Monkey
White guy: I come from a town of only 400.
Black girl: Whoa! That’s weird. Your town was probably started by a brother and sister or something.
White guy: Actually, there’s not a single brotha or sista in my town.
Black girl: What?
White girl: Oh, God.
Black girl: What do you mean? Is everyone in your town an only child?
White guy: No, there aren’t any brothuhs or sistuhs. You know?
Black girl: I don’t get it.
White girl: That’s probably for the best.
One Park Place
Elmira, New York
Overheard by: Shannon
Manager: So, we should totally take a consensuous on that with the entire team.
Employee: Consensus.
Manager: What?
Employee: Consensus.
Manager, laughing: I should totally carry around a thesaurius with me! [Employee walks away.]
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: BeeMonstre
Law Firm Guy: What’s a tsunami?
100 Maiden Lane
New York, NY
Customer: Can you direct me to the problems office please?
Receptionist: The problems office? I’ve never heard of them.
Customer: Oh… Maybe they closed down…
Receptionist: What kind of problems did they solve?
Customer: Any kind of problems!
Receptionist: Am I able to help?
Customer: Nah…I’ll just come back another time.
Gold Coast
Australia
Overheard by: Cam
White girl: Jesus, I just got called a nigger!
Filipino girl: What? On your break?
White girl: Yeah! And by a black person. Homeless. Wouldn’t give her money. I’m about as cracker as you get… total whitey. I mean, I’m wearing Banana Republic.
1900 Broadway
Oakland, California
