General Idiocy

As We Said They Should, Dear Reader

Tom*, reading newspaper: Archie Comics introduces first gay character.
Mike*: They're taking over the world!
Tom*: Archie comics?
Mike*, whispering: No, the gays.

Portland, Maine

Employee: I mean, really — who uses the word ‘lubricant’ in passing?

48th Street and Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Boss: [Bryan], can you help me? I can’t seem to find my HTML. It’s just not there anymore.

15 Altarinda Road
Orinda, California

Supervisor: Here’s the information about Alzheimer’s to include in the news release I was telling you about.
Employee #1: I don’t know anything about this release.
Supervisor: Oh? Oh no? Then who was I talking to about it?
Employee #2: Hey, it’s ironic that you don’t remember who you were talking to about the Alzheimer’s information.
Supervisor: Oh, ha, ha, ha! Yes!…So, you can just use this information for the release.
Employee #1: Okay, but I still don’t know what you’re talking about.
Supervisor: Hmm…Hey, isn’t it ironic that I don’t remember who I was talking to about an Alzheimer’s release?

161 Ottawa Avenue NW
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Overheard by: Beth Marie

Woman: Where is your next conference?
Hairdresser: Boston.
Woman: Oh, I love Boston.
Hairdresser: Yeah, I've never been to the East Coast before. (pauses) Well, no, I guess I have been to Kentucky.

Hays, Kansas

Computer nerd: Last night I had to set my monkey on fire.

California State University
Northridge, California

Overheard by: Scott

Employer: Unfortunately, you’re not bond-able for hire because you have a felony from 2003.
Interviewee: I do? What for?
Employer: It seems it was for a parole violation.
Interviewee: Those are felonies?

Coralville, Iowa

Overheard by: Meg

Cashier: Wow, you’re pregnant!
Customer: Yep, that’s what they tell me.
Cashier: Well, it looks like you’re having a boy… or a girl. Definitely a boy or a girl.
Customer: Uh…

Grocery store
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Ryan

Manager: You hear her? Usually, she says, “I’m coming”, and I say “So is Christmas.” But now I guess I could say, “So is”, uh, “the Fourth of July.”

11400 West Olympic Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: lonecomic

Home health nurse: Good morning, Mr Smith*. May I take your blood pressure?
Alzheimer's patient: Well, I don't know! What'll you give me for it?

Buena Park, California

Overheard by: his pastor