Low-Security Country-Club Bad, or Don’t-Pick-up-the-Soap Bad?

Client: How bad? Are we talking about just paying the three million, or are we talking penalties bad?
Accountant: We’re talking jail bad.

Broward Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Posted on May 16, 2008
Compare and contrast, Crimes, Default, Florida, Money, Questions, Rich people, The Guilty

Yours Is Like a Freaking Jack-in-the-Box, Though

Specialist peon to manager peon: It’s 3:30 already? My thingy hasn’t been popping up all day!

South Park Circle
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: I didn’t know girls had thingies

Posted on May 13, 2008
Body Parts, Coworkers, Default, Employees, Florida, Sexuality, Time Management

I Also Play the Fallopian Tuba

Woman: I really enjoyed your singing this morning.
Girl who sang: Thanks so much!
Woman: Yeah, it’s always so great when someone just sings straight from the ovaries like that.
Girl who sang: Uhh… [Nervous laugh.]

Hotel
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Annah

Posted on May 7, 2008
Body Parts, Compliments, Default, Employees, Feelings, Florida, Service, Sexuality, Weirdness, Words

With the Understanding That It’s Both Preventable and Curable

Insurance salesman: Maternity is covered as a sickness under this policy.

39th Avenue
Hollywood, Florida

Posted on April 25, 2008
Compare and contrast, Default, Florida, Health & Hygiene, Offers and requests, Sales, Service

…Without the Use of the Word “Santorum“

Boss: So, where did Mike* go?
Underling: He had to go home. Some pet emergency. He said there’s an unidentified liquid coming out of his cat’s ass.
Boss: Well, that’s an excuse I’ve never heard before…

Cypress Street
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: I didn’t need to know that

Posted on April 18, 2008
Animals, Body Parts, Bosses and Underlings, Florida, Lies

The Black and White Cat Makeup, Mostly

Old black lady: Why you call your brother ‘KISS‘?!
Young black woman: Huh?
Old black lady: You know what ‘K-I-S-S’ stand for?
Young black woman: What?
Old black woman: ‘Knights in Satan’s Service.’ That’s right, ‘Knights in Satan’s Service! Why you call your brother ‘KISS‘?!

2201 South 10th Street
Ft. Pierce, Florida

Overheard by: Just here to get dialated

Posted on March 17, 2008
Coworkers, Creepsters, Default, Florida, General Idiocy, Gripes, Religion, Words

They Don’t Get Tender All by Themselves

Female go-getter: Well, I just went ahead and did it since you guys were just sitting on your loins.

3201 West Commercial Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: you really are disgusting

Posted on February 7, 2008
Florida, Smart Employees, Time Management

Come to Think of It, Old People and Retards Are Hard to Tell Apart Sometimes

Peon #1: I’m going to a S.C.O.R.E. meeting tomorrow.
Peon #2: What’s that?
Peon #1: Service Corp of Retired Executives.
Peon #2: What? Retarded Executives?

3201 West Commercial Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Posted on January 30, 2008
Dumb Employees, Florida, Words

Or, You Know, Actual India

Male coworker to female, after lunch: I can’t believe that you wouldn’t eat anything but white rice at the Indian restaurant. You’d never make it at Epcot.

St. Petersburg, Florida

Posted on January 7, 2008
Coworkers, Florida, Meals and Snacks

… Are Fired

Director, during brainstorming session: You and your colon!

3912 North 29th Avenue
Hollywood, Florida

Overheard by: George

Posted on January 3, 2008
Body Parts, Bosses, Florida