Cashier: No, seriously, guys — I think this place would be so much more lively if every Friday night we had a store-wide dance-off… Just think — disco in the produce department. Swing in the bakery. Riverdance on the booze aisle.
Grocery store
Columbia, South Carolina
Secretary on phone: How am I? I'm finer than a frog's hair split four ways.
(pause) I *said* I'm… finer… than… a… frog's… hair… split… four… ways.
(pause) It means I'm miserable!
Virginia Tech
Blacksburg, Virginia
Employee to another who just sprayed hand sanitizer: Gah, you just sprayed your thing and it got in my mouth. (continues eating bag of nuts)
Lawton, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Jonathan
Travel agent: Just tie a string around it to cut off the circulation and it'll fall off.
Malvern, Pennsylvania
File minion: You know, pygmies are so desperate…
Denver, Colorado
Cube rat: Damn the metric system!
State College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Word.
Boss on speakerphone: Yes, I need the data charts for the presentation tomorrow, could you e-mail them to me electronically?
Employee: Electronically? Uhhhh, yes, I’ll do it right away.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Corporate stooge
Elderly worker: I just teabagged myself! (referring to actually dropping a tea bag on herself)
Pipersville, Pennsylvania
Adorable PA: Seriously, though, maybe you need a good, physically visible Eros love influence in your life. I learn by rubbing off on people. Maybe you do too?
Newark, New Jersey
Guy in charge of newspaper, commenting on Avatar opening: People seem to be going back to movies now.
Manhattan, New York
