Senior VP, flipping through Rolodex: I am just removing the ones that are dead.
Employee: [silent look of horror]Senior VP: Oh, there are only three!
Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lisa
Senior VP, flipping through Rolodex: I am just removing the ones that are dead.
Employee: [silent look of horror]Senior VP: Oh, there are only three!
Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lisa
Woman on phone: Well, do you want to sleep or do you want to die? You can’t have it both ways.
Fort Worth, Texas
Man diva: I mean, I cannot believe my little brother didn’t notice that stain for five hours! How can you think it’s water when it doesn’t dry for five hours?
Girl: Well maybe he wasn’t paying attention. It was your grandfather’s funeral.
Man diva: Ohmigod it’s like seven inches across the cuff!
Girl: I’m sure there’s somewhere you can still wear them?
Man diva: Yeah, if somebody has a stain party!
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Dry cleaner no good
Ghetto coworker: My son loves his car, he says he wants to get buried in it. I tell him he’s crazy, but it is a really nice car. It’s an Oldsmobuick* convertible, cocaine white…
Not-so-ghetto coworker: Cocaine white?
Ghetto coworker: Yeah, you know that really pearly white color?
Not-so-ghetto coworker, sarcastically: Does it have meth-yellow trim?
Ghetto coworker, oblivious: No, just white. But I tell him he’s crazy, it would never work. When they put in the dirt it would cave in the roof!
Modesto, California
Overheard by: That’s not my job.
Office crony #1: Did you hear about the mid-air collision in California?
Office crony #2: Briefly, why?
Office crony #1: I wonder if there’s anyone out in California I don’t like?
Office crony #2: I don’t think so.
Office crony #1: Just my luck…
West Cummings Park
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Chuckie Choo
Man on phone: What do you mean he’s not dead? I’ve bought his wife a card and put it through the door!
Leatherhead
Surrey
England
Overheard by: Bav
Accounting peon #1: This pen leaks. I look like I killed a smurf with my bare hands.
Accounting peon #2: Which smurf?
Accounting peon #1: Jokey.
Accounting peon #2: Nice.
Westridge
Watsonville, California
Overheard by: Happens to me too.
Coworker #1: So, a magnetic train crashed in Germany, killing twenty-three.
Coworker #2: … Stupid Krauts.
70th Street and Park Avenue
New York, New York
.Net developer, finishing a presentation: … And that’s my presentation on .Net custom controls. Any questions about the toggle reader or list controls?
Java developer, bursting at the seams: So it turns out my frat brothers inadvertently stole a human corpse!
Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania
