Office boy: The Jonas Brothers are another reason I want to kill myself.
Agoura Hills, California
Office boy: The Jonas Brothers are another reason I want to kill myself.
Agoura Hills, California
Store manager: These new shoes make me feel like I'm walking on dead babies. (pause) You know, before they hit rigor mortis.
Kitchener
Canadia
Overheard by: Drewerd
Office worker #1, mourning: So when he went to bed, the tumor moved, causing him to die in his sleep.
Office worker #2, in sympathy: Aw, that's sad. Well, at least he died in his sleep. That's the best way to go.
Office worker #3: I want to be eaten by sharks.
Dublin, Ohio
Pregnant employee at coworker's baby shower: Oh, an anti-roll pillow! Thank you!
Male employee: What's it for?
Pregnant employee: To keep the baby from rolling onto his stomach and possibly suffocating in the crib.
Chatty woman: My two babies died from sleeping on their stomachs.
(stunned silence)
Chatty woman: Just kidding! (laughs)
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: office monkey extraordinaire
Assistant copy editor, checking metro fares: A dollar thirty-five and fifteen minutes.
Senior copy editor, passing by: I'm going to have that written on my tombstone!
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Photographer: Okay, but I might die if I don't get my knee sucked.
Culver City, California
Overheard by: LaLa Land
Client: May I speak with Elizabeth?
Distracted receptionist: I'm sorry…she's no longer with us…but…not dead. Is there something I can help you with?
Ad Agency
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Rest in Peace…
Clerk #1: They said there was problems on the 4 and 5–what does that have to do with the 3? Where did the 3 go?
Clerk #2: They said someone threw themselves on the tracks.
Clerk #3: Did what?
Clerk #2: Threw themselves in front of the train–someone wanted to commit hara-kiri.
Clerk #3: Why they got to do that at this time of day? Why does everyone want to kill themselves during rush hour, but nobody wants to do it in the middle of the night, so we can all get to work?
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Innocent Bystander
Temp attorney: That wasn't the first time I've had roadkill.
Richmond, Virginia
