Coworker on phone: Hello… Hello… Did you butt-dial me?
Alexandria, Virginia
Coworker on phone: Hello… Hello… Did you butt-dial me?
Alexandria, Virginia
Manager: I'm so stressed I'm going to jump out of the 5th floor window.
Coworker: It's not high enough. You'd need to go to at least the 7th to ensure death.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Young hipster : You all should come to this CD release party! You too, Sue*, I'll even buy you a Shirley Temple!
Old fashioned, anal retentive co-worker: I don't drink.
Hipster: But it's non-alcoholic!
Old fashioned, anal retentive co-worker: I said I don't drink, I don't drink non-alcoholic!
Hipster, confused: But, uh… There's no alcohol in it.
Old fashioned, anal retentive co-worker, getting irate: I don't care! I won't drink it!
St. Louis, Missouri
Latin legal assistant, getting off the phone: That lady just told me to jump in a lake.
Dowdy woman: What is that in Spanish?
Latin legal assistant: She said it in English.
Dowdy woman: Yeah, but I want to hear it in Spanish.
Law Firm
Bay Shore, New York
Server #1: So he deals drugs to kids?
Server #2: Well… Indirectly.
Los Angeles, California
Painter #1: I can't find that roller anywhere.
Painter #2: Did you check…
Painter #1, interrupting: I've looked everywhere.
Painter #2: Did you check your butt?
Painter #1: Did you check your mom's butt?
Painter #2: Did you check your mom's face?
Boss painter: Dammit guys, get back to work!
Atlanta, Georgia
Coworker on phone: I kinda just rub it underwater.
Stockton, California
Coworker to boss: If we go to jail for this, I better be your girlfriend, because I don't think I could handle it on my own.
Albany, New York
Coworker: It doesn't have to work, we just have to do something!
Manhattan, New York
Coworker: What was I just talking about? I lost my train of thought. I can't remember… so it was probably a lie.
Avon, Colorado
