Ad: My Cologne? Ice Pick!

Male office worker: Come on! Smell my neck, my cologne is amazing!
Female office worker: I can't. My nose is stuffed and I can't smell anything.
Male office worker: That's no problem. I'll still be able to penetrate!

Topeka, Kansas

Posted on July 2, 2016
Coworkers, Kansas, Offers and requests, Possible Sexual Harassment, Sensory Experiences

So It’s Not All Bad

Lady peon #1: If we keep working at this rate we are A — going to get sick, B — going to be tired, and C — going to hate each other!
Lady peon #2: … You forgot D — divorced.

Tallahassee, Florida

Posted on June 23, 2016
Coworkers, Florida, Gripes

How International Incidents Begin

Maintenance guy #1 on cell: Hello? Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Si. Sure, okay [hangs up].
Maintenance guy #2: Who was that?
Maintenance guy #1: I don’t know — some Mexican dude. He was talking Spanish and I just agreed with him. I think it was a wrong number.

7160 Riverwood Drive
Columbia, Maryland

Overheard by: Bored Receptionist

Posted on June 22, 2016
Coworkers, Language barrier, Maryland

It’s Not Mono, I’m Just Tired

Assistant manager: So, you went with the monochromatic look today, huh?
CSR: Nah, man, this is olive.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Steph

Posted on June 15, 2016
Colors, Coworkers, Washington DC

Eva Braun Waxes Rhapsodic

Co-worker: If I killed someone, he would totally lie to the police for me. Either he would be my alibi or he would lie and say he did it so I could be free.

225 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Am I Next

Posted on June 14, 2016
Coworkers, Crazies, Crimes, Death, Health & Hygiene, Illinois, Metro Northeast, Violence

Can I Flip It Open, or Would That Be Obscene?

Coworker #1: Mine feels bigger than yours.
Coworker #2: Yours definitely looks bigger than mine.

Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: A.P.

Posted on June 12, 2016
Alabama, Body Parts, Compare and contrast, Coworkers

Now That Was a Happy Hour

Female employee, preparing for office happy hour: Do any of you have a bottle opener for the beer?
Male employee #1: He does.
Male employee #2: No, I don't.
Male employee #1: Yes you do, isn't there one on your belt buckle or key chain?
Male employee #2: Uhhh… No.
Male employee #1: Really? I'd swear that last time we did this, you took something out of your pants that did the job very well for her.

Kansas City, Missouri