If Only This Site Had Pictures…

Marketing chick #1: Your pants look much better. I’m glad you got them fixed.
Marketing chick #2: Thanks; nothing beats running around the office in my underwear for half an hour.

512 7th Avenue
New York, NY

Posted on December 9, 2019
Coworkers, Gripes, New York

Hint: Last Year’s Office Christmas Party

Merchandiser #1: Do you really want to name this catalog spread ‘Circle Jerk’? Doesn’t that sound a little porn-ish?
Merchandiser #2: Why? What do you think ‘circle jerk’ means?

Monroe, Louisiana

Posted on December 6, 2019
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Louisiana

I Think I've Seen This Maggie Gyllenhaal Movie

Office mate #1 (asking for money for lunch): Are you trying to break me already?
Office mate #2: I would love to break you.

Washington, DC

Posted on December 6, 2019
Coworkers, Money, Questions, Washington DC, Wishes

Dear World, I’m Killing Myself at This Time to Inconvenience Cousin Bob

Co-Worker: My cousin died in a car accident yesterday.
Boss: Oh, I’m sorry.
Co-Worker: Yeah. The funeral is Saturday in St. Louis.
Boss: Will you be going?
Co-Worker: Oh no! That’s not enough time for me to get everything around and make it down there! I mean, maybe if they had given me a week’s notice…

Olentangy River Road
Columbus, Ohio

Posted on December 5, 2019
Bosses, Coworkers, Death, Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, Gripes, Ohio, Time Management

The Richard Simmons Video That Never Made It to Shelves

Male co-worker on phone: So my toe is definitely broken. No jogging for at least four weeks. So, you wanna come over tonight? If I can’t run, then at least I can fuck my way to fitness.

Fairfax, Virginia

Posted on December 3, 2019
Coworkers, Default, Health & Hygiene, Offers and requests, On the phone, Sexuality, Virginia

It Is Now

Office mate #1: My brother's girlfriend brought dinner over last night.
Office mate #2: Is it weird–since you guys are twins– that your brother's girlfriend knows exactly what you look like naked?

Santa Monica, California

Posted on November 29, 2019
California, Coworkers, Family, Physical Appearance, Questions, Weirdness

Worst. 911 Operator. Ever.

Coworker on phone: Thank you for calling our company. How the hell may I help you now?

Manhattan, New York

Posted on November 26, 2019
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Insults, New York, On the phone

Yours Is the “Lollipop Guild” Song, for No Reason Whatsoever

Cube rat #1: Oh, I love that ringtone! That's from Wizard of Oz, isn't it?
Cube rat #2: Yeah, Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead is my favorite song in that whole movie.
Cube rat #1: Who called?
Cube rat #2: My mother-in-law.
Cube rat #1, lauhging: Got any others?
Cube rat #2: Yeah, I've got If I Only Had a Brain on there, too.
Cube rat #1: Who's that one for?
Cube rat #2: My boss.

Bossier City, Louisiana